Last night I was working, along with a few other women, on the decorations for our Womens Conference coming up. As we were chatting I found out some had been at New Hope Christian Fellowship, (formerly Sonrise Christian Fellowship), for just a year or so and some had been there way back in the "Chucky Cheese" days. We started talking about those past days and before I knew it LOTS of "stuff" starting coming up for me again... They were curious as to what happened on the "inside" of some situations there at our church, or that occurred in my life after Michael, (my ex) stepped down from being the worship pastor... They were curious about how I got through the divorce... They wanted to know how my daughter, Jessica, was doing these days, which led to questions about Chris, my son in law, and how she dealt with his being KIA in action in 2004. And how the grandkids were doing now... So....
I talked and talked, and then talked some more... Gosh! Sometimes you don't realize all the crap you've gone through till you lay it all out for someone to look at! And talking about my life experiences sure brought up a LOT of memories and feelings last night!!! A couple of times we wept, lots of times we laughed, but most of the time we spent in awe of God's absolute power to get us through ANYTHING and His amazing love and patience with us as He waits for us to turn and FIX our eyes and hearts on Him again when the tragedies and "clutteredness" of life happens.
This morning when I woke up I felt drained... Or actually I felt "plugged" up... Like bringing up all those memories, reliving them again, kind of piled up on each other in my heart and the pipes in there, well they got all "backed up" with the "sewage" of the past. Only the bad parts of what we talked about remained in my heart and mind this morning, like a big clogged pipe, and I was loaded down with all that S--T! I was feeling all "fibromyalgia-y", hurting all over and sad and a little lonely and for the first time in a loooonnnnggg time, missing being married to Michael. Now where do I go with that!?!!? I've found there is ONLY ONE PLACE I can go... God's Throne Room!
Oh God, Maker of the Heavens and the Earth... Help me to keep you in my heart as my only LOVER, the only One I truly desire. Relieve me of the thoughts that tend to block up my heart and my mind from hearing and listening to Your thoughts and plans for me and feeling Your heart beat. Make the painful memories of my past become useful tools and testimonies in my present. Turn ALL of what the enemy meant for evil into a glorious testimony so that I may show, and help, others overcome. Let me be a conduit, an open pipeline to You Lord, bringing others into the Glory that is found in only You, My King. Amen
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and, AMEN! You may not realize it, for a little while, Co, but that pipeline has ALREADY been unplugged! Bringing all of that STUFF into the light, by talking about it to your Sisters, has taken it out of the darkness into the light! That is what has defeated the enemy's agenda, which is to keep it all INSIDE of your mind so he can continue to use it to remind you of how GUILTY you are for having let it happen, and how MUCH IT HURT to go through that, and how UNFAIR GOD WAS to LET you go through it...etc., etc., etc...!!! All those lies that he has been telling you, all these years have been diffused! Now that it is out into the open it has LOST ITS POWER over you! What an AMAZING thing THAT IS! It only hurts for a little while, then it is HEALED by Jesus, because, NOW you have asked HIM to "relieve me of the thoughts..etc."
ReplyDeleteand He is DOING THAT! What an AMAZING GOD we serve! He knew just what you needed, so He brought you together with your Sisters and took the conversation to that place where He could heal you..and who knows how many others that were there. Hope I haven't gone on too long...nor tried to take over your blog. Not my intention, Co! You have written what the Lord has given you, which is SO ANOINTED! I'm overcome with joy how you have taken hold of God since you have, once again, turned your eyes upon Jesus. I love you! Mom