Timing is everything

So, I've been going thru some "things" in the past couple of weeks. Things that I want to have happen in my life so badly... I've been wrestling with God about these things for some time now. I get frustrated, angry, depressed, and apathetic when I don't see these "things", these desires, these dreams of mine, happening, coming to fruition.
I pray, I cry out to God, I pray some more... But sometimes I feel I get no answer. But really, I'm realizing that "no answer" is an answer... The answer is "not yet my daughter". He tells us that all things come in His timing, in His planning, His PERFECT planning. It's not that He's forgotten me at all... I need to remember that. It's just not the right time yet... He's still preparing the way for my desires to come about. If I try to rush these plans, like I've done in the past, I will not be truly happy. Only when I WAIT on the Lords timing, when He puts just the right man in my path, when He brings everything in order for me to be able to move back into my home... And when I get out of His way, moving out from in front of Him, to patiently waiting behind Him, while He clears the way, and fully trusting that He is doing what He promises He will do, only then will I see these "things" happen in my life. In HIS TIMING, not mine. He tells us so many
times in the bible to WAIT and TRUST. In today's world we aren't taught to wait for anything, everything is quicker, faster, better NOW. And thru much of my life experience, I also have had issues with TRUSTING. But I have to remember that trusting man and trusting God are different. Men are just that, human men. Full of flaws and failings. But God, oh He is full of unfailing promises and unending love. Lord teach me to wait with patient trust and perfect peace. Knowing that in Your TIMING Your plans for me will come to pass and knowing that those plans, that person, will all come in your perfect time, just in time.
Jerimiah 29:11

No matter where I go, there He is

Haven't blogged in a few days... My mind has just been all over the place. So I've been spending time trying to "re-focus". Funny how God works, cause Jesus Calling has been all about your thoughts and bringing them to Jesus, lately. Sometimes it just takes me more time... Re-doing the old "tapes", to get back in line with His Word, His thoughts. Today's a better day... His mercies are new each morning, thank God! A new day to start over, start fresh. I'm so grateful for that, His fresh grace, each morning because I tend to revert back to my old ways, my old patterns, over and over again. I'm thinking I'm not alone in this behavior though, right? Guess we won't get it perfect ever, but He's happy with me anyway... He loves me just as much even though I fail, it's just my happiness that is more complete when I turn to Him instead of trying to go it alone.
Jesus Calling is good today. Just what I need to hear. it says: The world is too much with you, My child. Your mind leaps from problem to problem to problem, tangling your thoughts in anxious knots. When you think like that, you leave Me out of your world-view and your mind becomes darkened. Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom. I stand silently in the background of your mind waiting for you to remember that I am with you.
When you turn from your problems to My Presence, your load is immediatly lighter. Circumstances may not have changed, but WE carry your burdens together. Your compulsion to "fix" everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with Me. Together we can handle whatever this day may bring. Isaiah 41:10, Zeph 3:17, Psa 34:19
Sometimes it's "spooky" how this little book is so in line with my thoughts, my concerns, it REALLY is Jesus Calling me! I love that about God though... He shows up in so many places for us... He's always right there... Right HERE. Thank you Jesus!  

Treasure seeking

I just finished writing a "thank you" card to my Great Aunt. It may be the last card I ever get to send her. Aunty Dory, Doris Anythe Peterson, (btw Anythe is my middle name), is ready to go "home" to be with Uncle Carl. She's tired, sick, and just wants to go. I can hear it in her voice when I talk to her. I understand her wanting to go... I will miss her so much. But what I am really convicted by, is all the years I didn't call her. All the times I didn't write her... All the wasted years not telling her how much I love her. It's not like I intentionally did it... I was busy raising my family, busy working, just busy. And it's not like she ever made me feel bad about not calling, not keeping in contact, nope, never once. But now that my children have their own families they're busy raising, and I am alone, I have called her more often. Not nearly as much as I should, but I have. And each time I did, that little 5-10 min conversation meant SO much to
her. She made me feel like the most special person on the planet for calling her, telling me I made her day, her week, her month even! And I would hang up and think... Why do I wait so long to call her? Why am I so selfish that I don't take 5 min to just call her and tell her I love her more often? It's such a simple little thing. Less time than it takes to catch up on Facebook, and so much more valuable, to me and her! She is my FAMILY! and when it's all said and done in your life, God and family are the ONLY things that matter. This LOVE is the only thing that can't be stolen from us. Even when they are gone from this earth, we still have their memories, their love in our hearts. Nothing or no one can take that away unless we let them. (Romans 8:35-39) The question is, how many memories are we going to have after they are gone? What kind of memories will they be? Will they be full of regret? Will they be full of guilt for all the times you just didn't
take the time to tell them you love them. Or all the times you didn't make time to see them? Or will they be full of beautiful little moments shared? I've found that the more I give out to, share with others, the more blessed I AM! even though they are the ones "recieving" I end up being the one blessed. Family is so IMPORTANT. Mothers, Fathers, Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins... And then your "extended" family... Those friends who have become family... All of them are the ones who truly matter in this life. You never know when they will be gone from here, or when you will... I am convicted by this... Making every moment here count by making every moment a chance to show and tell my family how much I love them. 1Cor 13:13 "And now abide in faith, hope, love, these three. But the greatest of these is LOVE."

Co

Someone give me the epidural!

Mic 4:10 Well, go ahead--twist and scream, Daughter Jerusalem. You are like a woman in childbirth. You'll soon be out of the city, on your way and camping in the open country. And then you'll arrive in Babylon. What you lost in Jerusalem will be found in Babylon. GOD will give you new life again. He'll redeem you from your enemies.

I came across this scripture this morning and said "yes! This is what I've been feeling." like I'm going thru childbirth. The pains, the tossing and turning at night trying to get comfortable. The worrying if everything will be okay with "the baby". The baby being in this case, my future, I guess. I've been twisting and screaming for days with God again. Feeling like I'm going to explode. Crying at the drop of a
hat, just like when I was pregnant. A bundle of emotions and doubts and fears and
glimpses of happiness. Curling up into the fetal position at night when trying to
sleep. Childbirth is not always fun... But the end result is the best thing EVER! So I wait patiently to give "birth" to whatever it is God is doing in me. Knowing the end result will be in His time, His plan and incredible!

Again with the thoughts!

I've come to realize that even one day of not spending time with God in my early mornings leads me to a bad place in my mind. After only a couple of days of taking time off from spending time in the word, praying to Jesus for wisdom, listening to what He has to say to me, then writing my thoughts down here, I find my mind just goes to this bad, lonely, pity-me, place. And that is where it has been for the past two days... "oh I'm so alone, oh I'll never have a man in my life again, oh I'm so unhappy with my weight, oh woe is me!!!" YUKE!! horrible nasty place to be. And SO easy to go to... And a place I've chosen to dwell many times before. But not anymore! I don't understand quite fully why my mind wins this war so often, so easily, I just know it does. And I am the only one who can do what's necessary to bring my thoughts back to Jesus. Well, He is the only one who can do that... But it is my choice to surrender to Him these thoughts, these worries,
the degrading tapes about myself that play in my head. He gives us free will... To choose HIM or not. And it seems like just when you think you're impervious to those thoughts, that you're prayed up enough that the enemy can't get in there... So you can take a "break" from shoring yourself up in the Word, that's exactly when the "enemy of your soul", Satan, gets you again. I'm realizing I can't take a break from God, I'm realizing frankly,why would I want to anyway? I need to keep the mind of Christ, to put Him first in my thoughts ALWAYS! And the more I draw near to Him the more peace I feel... But also, the more the enemy hates me... Because I have the Spirit of Jesus in me... Of course he's going to hate that... And the second I let down my diligence, my building up in Christ, my deepening knowledge of His Power in me, Satan will try to steal that joy... That's what he's all about. And Jesus is all about counting all our circumstances, good and bad,
all joy. For they are all times to lean on, press into, grower nearer to, be dependant on Him. To walk by Faith, not by sight or our wicked thoughts. But To know, truly know HIM and who we are in HIM. Have you ever used a lantern to light your path... You can only see the very next step in front of you. Maybe that is why Gods word says, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Knowing that we are only meant to see that which is right in front of us, trusting Him to lead and go before us... Thank you Lord for leading me AGAIN back to Your path... Back to You. Continue to teach me to stay right here, right now, mind fixed on you, trusting You to supply my eveything for now, and knowing You hold my all my tomorrows too. You've never left me in the past, why should I ever think you would forget me in the future? Praise His Name!

Co

What was meant for evil...

TRUST TRUST TRUST. That is what I keep hearing from God. Jesus Calling says this today: if you learn to TRUST Me, totally, nothing can seperate you from Me. Everything you endure can be used to train you to TRUST Me. This is how you foil the works of evil, growing in grace through the very adversity of what was meant to harm you.  Do not fear what this day, or any day, may bring your way. Concentrate on TRUSTING Me and on doing what needs to be done. Relax in My Sovereignty, remembering that I go before you, into each day. Fear no evil, for I can bring out the good of every situation you will ever encounter.
Gen 50:20 Psl 23:4
This TRUTH I have experienced... God has used ALL my "bad" actions, my failures, my heartaches, the things I've done to myself, and that have been done to me, for good. Sometimes it took years to come to that "good" but it always comes when I press into Him. When I trust in Jesus... It comes. Not really ready to divulge some of my "bads" here yet... But I think you who know me can see the "good" work God is doing in me now, now that I have turned back to Him. And that is my point here I'm trying to make about the absolute LOVE God has for us and the absolute forgivness we recieve thru His Son. I've done things that are absolutely HORRIBLE in Gods eyes, but did He turn me
away when I turned back to Him... NO! But it is Nothing I did to recieve this forgiveness... It is ALL about what Jesus did for us. My part is to repent, ask for forgivness, and then TRUST in Him. There is a line in a song sung by Darlene Szech (sp?) that I love and speaks so simply yet so incredibly DEEP about Gods character and how it has nothing to do with my "works" it says " Theres nothing you can do to make Him love you more... Nothing you can do that makes Him close the door." BUT we are told time and again to TRUST Him. So I do. I trust Him for EVERYTHING! I trust Him to turn every evil thing I've done and every evil thing that's been done to me, in my life to GOOD. And as I learn to trust Him more and more, I will be able to use those things to speak His Life into others. That is my desire... To use my testimony, my story, to speak about His Grace, Mercy and Love to other women that are hurting. To tell them that HE is the ONLY ONE that can use what the enemy meant for evil and turn it into good. For HIS GLORY. To Him be all HONOR and GLORY and PRAISE.

NDOP

Today is National Day of Prayer. I went to a morning and a noon prayer meeting. It was cool to pray with other believers from different churches in Simi. And it was cool to know that thousands and thousands of other believers were praying too. But what really struck me is that our country has come to such a place that we had a lot more issues to pray for... Like the "media" on the Internet and tv and radio. Out children are blasted every day with things we NEVER even heard about when we were kids, and thier innocence is bombarded daily from our new technology. In order to preserve their innocence we'd have to lock them in a room with just about nothing in it. So it's up to us to pray for our children, to teach them values and morals. And when your children are grown, it's up to us to continue praying for them and thier children... Because this world is not getting better... It's getting worse. And i think that it is the body of Christ in America and their prayers that has kept Gods grace on this Country. When Gods people give up, stop standing up to the forces of darkness and become compliant and apethetic... The enemy has a field day, as is evident in today's world. We MUST continue to pray and speak up while we are able to here in America. Because it's that mind set of "that will NEVER happen here in America" in Gods people, so we don't speak out, we don't vote, we don't PRAY against immorality, that has allowed our country to get to what we see today. That and the mind set of those who fight against God and His people, that NEVER stops fighting for their agenda, that NEVER gives up to get their beliefs into our schools, our media, our families, and they're winning the battle folks. Because we've GIVEN IN, GIVEN UP! You know, the National Day of Prayer almost got cancelled this year by our "President". Doing anything in the white house for it this year DID get cancelled this year. That's why, while we still can, we need to PUBLICLY stand up, speak out, and pray for our Nation. And for God's GRACE to remain on us. God Bless America!

Someones going home

I think God is going to take someone close to me home soon. Or maybe a couple of my
loved ones... First of all, my Great Aunty Dory, whom I got my extraordinary middle name, Anythe, from (pronounced a neeth). She is in her 80s and sick and tired of being sick and tired. She just wants to go home to be with Uncle Carl... She has stopped taking her
medications to facilitate this.. Which concerns me.... I understand her feelings though and although I will miss her, I respect her wishes to go from here. Then there is Alfred, my friend Fumiko's husband, that had a stroke three years ago and is totally incapacitated but has full presence of his mind. I sit with him 3 times a week for almost two years now and have become so attached to him. He has been battling infections off and on for months now and the only thing the doctor does is just put him on one antibiotic after another. I truly beleive that those are what's making him sicker but all I can do is try to be his voice, his advocate, and then pray. Since he can't tell us where it hurts or what he's feeling, it is so hard to know. And he is getting very tired of feeling sick and laying in that bed 24/7. I can see it in his eyes. He is giving up. And I certainly wouldn't want to live like that, and I know he doesn't. So I understand if he wanted to go "home", his heavenly home. Sometimes I feel horrible for thinking it... But it would almost be the best thing for him. But Fumiko would be devastated! She keeps believing he is going to be totally healed and come back home like normal... And while I don't doubt God could do that if He wanted to... I also am being realistic about the situation. But I don't give up praying and hoping for his total healing. Then last, but certainly not least, there is my Papa... He has emphysema and congestive heart failure, and has come back from being "dead" a few year back now... But he is bad again and so frustrated with doctors, whom he hated already. But like Alfred, he was an active man... Fishing, working, doing, all the time. And now, he can't even walk to the dining room from the living room without getting short of breath. And that alone is killing him! He wants the doctors to keep him on steroids even though they may shorten his life span, because he says he would rather feel good for a couple more years, than to feel horrible for a lot more years. I'm mixed on this "pending" loss though... He's my DAD. No one wants to lose their parents... Even though we all know it is going to happen sooner or later... We all wan the much later option on this one. I DONT want him to die yet!! Is that selfish? I don't care!
The bottom line in all this is this... It's all in Gods Hands! Whether they are "saved" or not I definitly care about that... But I also beleive, no, I KNOW God gives us all that last breath moment to accept Him, to go home with Him. The Word says... "God wishes that NO ONE should perish, but have everlasting life." So I know My Redeemer can redeem even the most hardened heart at the last moment if He chooses. And I beleive He does. So if I lose anyone these people, I will be totally sad, even devastated for a time... But not
destroyed. Because my HOPE, my TRUST and my STRENGTH is in GOD.
Thanks you Lord for caring for us all even though none of us deserve it... But through your Son, the Perfect Sacrifice, You can look on us as clean and holy, so we can be allowed to go home with You when it's our time.

BE HERE NOW

Jer 29:11 I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Ok God... I know your plans and thoughts are better for me than my own. That's obvious by looking back on my life at the times that I relied on my own plans and dwelt on my own thoughts, and the messes I made of my life at those times. Oy vey! I had some doozies! But Youve always drawn me back to You... Always brought me back into your fold.. Your tender loving arms... No matter what I did. I'm here again, trying not to worry about the future, trying to stay in the moment, the here an now with YOU. Because that is where You tell me I need to be.. Need to stay... Right here, right now, with YOU. Take the bad thoughts, worries and doubts of my future from my mind Lord. Help me to bring them back to You NOW and HERE. Give me thoughts and plans that are in YOUR WILL, from Your Spirit. Keep me KNOWING and BELIEVING Your future plans for me are under control so I can concentrate on being in Your Presence right NOW. Sometimes I get ahead of You and want to know now the end of the story... But you know that. You knew that if we did know the end we would muck it all up trying to reach it, that's why it's best to just stay in this moment with You now. It's here with You I'm happiest anyway, no doubts, no fears, no worries... Just pure unconditional LOVE from YOU. That's where i'm happiest. Accepted and uplifted by YOU. Thank Heavenly Father. Thank you for this Peace that surpasses all understanding. Being HERE and NOW happy in my heart with YOU.