Again with the thoughts!

I've come to realize that even one day of not spending time with God in my early mornings leads me to a bad place in my mind. After only a couple of days of taking time off from spending time in the word, praying to Jesus for wisdom, listening to what He has to say to me, then writing my thoughts down here, I find my mind just goes to this bad, lonely, pity-me, place. And that is where it has been for the past two days... "oh I'm so alone, oh I'll never have a man in my life again, oh I'm so unhappy with my weight, oh woe is me!!!" YUKE!! horrible nasty place to be. And SO easy to go to... And a place I've chosen to dwell many times before. But not anymore! I don't understand quite fully why my mind wins this war so often, so easily, I just know it does. And I am the only one who can do what's necessary to bring my thoughts back to Jesus. Well, He is the only one who can do that... But it is my choice to surrender to Him these thoughts, these worries,
the degrading tapes about myself that play in my head. He gives us free will... To choose HIM or not. And it seems like just when you think you're impervious to those thoughts, that you're prayed up enough that the enemy can't get in there... So you can take a "break" from shoring yourself up in the Word, that's exactly when the "enemy of your soul", Satan, gets you again. I'm realizing I can't take a break from God, I'm realizing frankly,why would I want to anyway? I need to keep the mind of Christ, to put Him first in my thoughts ALWAYS! And the more I draw near to Him the more peace I feel... But also, the more the enemy hates me... Because I have the Spirit of Jesus in me... Of course he's going to hate that... And the second I let down my diligence, my building up in Christ, my deepening knowledge of His Power in me, Satan will try to steal that joy... That's what he's all about. And Jesus is all about counting all our circumstances, good and bad,
all joy. For they are all times to lean on, press into, grower nearer to, be dependant on Him. To walk by Faith, not by sight or our wicked thoughts. But To know, truly know HIM and who we are in HIM. Have you ever used a lantern to light your path... You can only see the very next step in front of you. Maybe that is why Gods word says, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Knowing that we are only meant to see that which is right in front of us, trusting Him to lead and go before us... Thank you Lord for leading me AGAIN back to Your path... Back to You. Continue to teach me to stay right here, right now, mind fixed on you, trusting You to supply my eveything for now, and knowing You hold my all my tomorrows too. You've never left me in the past, why should I ever think you would forget me in the future? Praise His Name!

Co