Wherever I go, there He is

Today's word in "Jesus Calling" devotional says this:

Come to Me for understanding, since I know you far better than you know yourself. I comprehend you in all your complexity;  no detail of your life is hidden from Me. I view you through eyes of grace, so don't be afraid of My intimate awareness. Allow the light of my healing presence to shine into the deepest recesses of your being- cleansing, healing, refreshing and renewing. Trust Me enough to accept the full forgiveness that I offer you continually..... Forgiveness. This is the one I think I struggle with the most... Offering and ACCEPTING forgiveness, not only from me to others, but forgiving myself is what I really wrestle with. To comprehend that God, thru Christ, can see me as "clean" and blameless, is a concept that, very often, goes over my head. How? How could the God of the universe, not only accept a "wretch like me", but He actually pursues me... He loves me, He wants to commune with me, He dances over me! He only does that because Jesus took my sin, your sin, with Him to the cross. He became sin, so that Father God in heaven, who can NOT look upon sin, could now see us through the eyes of His Son. So my struggle is this, if God can forgive me, remove my sin as far as the east is from the west, how come I can't forgive myself? Why is it so hard for me to accept and forgive me? Sometimes, I feel so unworthy of full forgiveness. Especially when I, as Paul said, continue to "do the things I shouldn't". Past mistakes made, words I shouldn't have said,  people I've hurt, desires I've given in to, that have affected my life as it is today, and I believe has robbed me of God's blessings.

 I think what it all comes down to for me, this un-forgiveness for myself, is because the things I have done in the past, and some of the struggles I wrestle with still,  I just don't feel "lovable" or worthy of that forgiveness because I know me, and I know I'll slip again and fall into somewhere God doesn't want me to go... The truth is, we ALL fall short, always have, always will. If we didn't, we wouldn't need Jesus, right? But I just have to keep holding on... Drawing closer to Him, asking God to change my heart, to search me, to help me to forgive and accept forgiveness. I love psalm 139:7-12 that says: Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go to the heavens, you are there, if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me", even the darkness will not be dark to you, for the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You"  
 If God's spirit is with me, in me, no matter what or where I am, I need to remember that when I feel unworthy, when I hate myself or my actions, that He is still there, He is right here, inside my heart, willing to work within me.. I should have as much respect for myself as my Creator, my Lord, my Father in Heaven,  has for me.  

Hurt people, hurt people

Usually, in my opinion, people who are angry, bitter and mean, are usually that way because they're walking around, holding onto, a load of past hurts and pains. Some of us like to hold onto our hurts, disappointments and rejections. Sometimes, we cling to these things so much, they become like a familiar friend to us, and we look for them in everyone and everything, even when they're not there, we conjur them up. We look for people to let us down, lashing out at everything they say, and hearing everything that they say to us as a put down or an accusation. Hurt people hurt people.
 I know Jesus understood this. He understood that we'd hurt each other because we hurt. He tells us over and over, that He will never reject us, never forsake us and that there is now no condemnation for those that love The Lord. He tells us it's best to just let those old "friends" go... Lay them down... That only His love, His mercy, His grace, will allow us to lay down the past, and trust Him to create in us a new heart. Psalm 51:10 says, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Isaiah 61:1 "the Spirit of The Lord has sent me to heal the broken hearted. To proclaim liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to those who are bound." When we understand this, that our past hurts we cling to can make us lash out at people, that people who turn anger on us, are most likely coming from a place of hurt and pain, and we start letting Jesus heal us, mend our broken hearts, and start looking at people who are angry towards us, with compassion and tenderness, as Jesus does, we will be set free. We will find joy again, we will find love again. We will be able to live a joy filled abundant life, not a blame filled angry life. The truth is, the more difficult your situation, or the more difficult that person you're having to deal with is, the more opportunity there is for us to discover God's strength, His power, that dwells in us, thru His Spirit.
Trade anger for love, resentment for forgiveness, bitterness for joy, discouragement for hope. Through the only one that will never ever ever leave you or disappoint you... Jesus Christ. ❤️