Come to Me for understanding, since I know you far better than you know yourself. I comprehend you in all your complexity; no detail of your life is hidden from Me. I view you through eyes of grace, so don't be afraid of My intimate awareness. Allow the light of my healing presence to shine into the deepest recesses of your being- cleansing, healing, refreshing and renewing. Trust Me enough to accept the full forgiveness that I offer you continually..... Forgiveness. This is the one I think I struggle with the most... Offering and ACCEPTING forgiveness, not only from me to others, but forgiving myself is what I really wrestle with. To comprehend that God, thru Christ, can see me as "clean" and blameless, is a concept that, very often, goes over my head. How? How could the God of the universe, not only accept a "wretch like me", but He actually pursues me... He loves me, He wants to commune with me, He dances over me! He only does that because Jesus took my sin, your sin, with Him to the cross. He became sin, so that Father God in heaven, who can NOT look upon sin, could now see us through the eyes of His Son. So my struggle is this, if God can forgive me, remove my sin as far as the east is from the west, how come I can't forgive myself? Why is it so hard for me to accept and forgive me? Sometimes, I feel so unworthy of full forgiveness. Especially when I, as Paul said, continue to "do the things I shouldn't". Past mistakes made, words I shouldn't have said, people I've hurt, desires I've given in to, that have affected my life as it is today, and I believe has robbed me of God's blessings.
I think what it all comes down to for me, this un-forgiveness for myself, is because the things I have done in the past, and some of the struggles I wrestle with still, I just don't feel "lovable" or worthy of that forgiveness because I know me, and I know I'll slip again and fall into somewhere God doesn't want me to go... The truth is, we ALL fall short, always have, always will. If we didn't, we wouldn't need Jesus, right? But I just have to keep holding on... Drawing closer to Him, asking God to change my heart, to search me, to help me to forgive and accept forgiveness. I love psalm 139:7-12 that says: Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go to the heavens, you are there, if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me", even the darkness will not be dark to you, for the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You"
If God's spirit is with me, in me, no matter what or where I am, I need to remember that when I feel unworthy, when I hate myself or my actions, that He is still there, He is right here, inside my heart, willing to work within me.. I should have as much respect for myself as my Creator, my Lord, my Father in Heaven, has for me.
If God's spirit is with me, in me, no matter what or where I am, I need to remember that when I feel unworthy, when I hate myself or my actions, that He is still there, He is right here, inside my heart, willing to work within me.. I should have as much respect for myself as my Creator, my Lord, my Father in Heaven, has for me.
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