My lack is His strength

Today I lack the energy to do what I need to get done. Going to take my grandkids, Ivy and Luke, up to my Dad's and step-mom's. That in itself is an endevour I need MUCH STRENGTH for, (family issues can be the most draining things, know what I mean?) But before that trip even starts I need to finish packing, empty my car, pack my car, go sit with Alfred for a few hours, THEN meet up with the kids and start the drive, the 3-4 HOUR drive up to Paso Robles. And I am TIRED today. Boo hooing and all that pity is going to get me nowhere. So, I go outside with my coffee and the first thing I do is start thanking God for everything... Everything I see, everything I have, everyone I know... Cause I have no energy to do much else, but I do know that He does have more than enough for me..So I praise Him and I thank Him and then I open up my devotional, Jesus Calling and He tells me this...

"When some basic need is lacking, time, energy, money, consider yourself blessed. Your very lack is an opportunity to latch onto Me in unashamed dependence. When you begin a day with inadequate resources, you must concentrate your efforts on the present moment. This is where you are meant to live-- in the present. It is the place where I await you. Awareness of your inadequacy is a blessing, training you to rely wholeheartedly on Me. 
"The truth is self-sufficiency is a myth perpetuated by pride and temporary success. Health and wealth can disappear instantly, as can life itself. Rejoice in your insufficiency, knowing that My power is made perfect in your weakness"
Jam 1:2 2Cor 12:9 

So I Surrender Lord... I admit I don't have the energy, time, or strength to accomplish everything I need to do without You! I'm relying on YOU to get me through today Lord... And you know what? I KNOW YOU WILL! I can already feel Your energy and power helping me. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Father. Thank you Holy Spirit. Now... I'm off!!! Let's go!!! Have a blessed weekend all!!!

One of those weeks

juat having one of those weeks. Kind of down, kind of lonely, kind of just blah. Wanting to be in a relationship but God isn't bringing anyone directly to me. I know that I have to get my eyes on Him more and off of the future and what it may hold. I'm wondering what's going to happen with my house... Whether the mortgage will get modified, whether I'll ever be able to move back into it. Again, knowing I have to get my eyes on Him and off the future. Wondering if Alfred will ever get better or if his doctors will ever figure out exactly what's causing his problems. wondering whether my business will start taking off and if it will be soon. For some reason this week all my thoughts are "future directed" But without being "hopeful" without surrender. That isn't good and I know this... Lord help le to keep my eyes on you, keep my hope in you, and keep surrendering all to you. Because I know that is what is going to give me peace in the midst of all my wondering and questions and doubts. Help me to remember Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you... Plans of good and not of evil. Plans to bring you a hope and a future.

Should have read "Jesus Calling" BEFORE writing the above, because if course God knew exactly what I needed to hear today:
"As you look into the day that stretches out before you, you see many choice-points along the way. The myriad possibilities these choices present confuse you. Draw your mind back to the threshold of this day where I stand beside you, lovingly preparing you for what's ahead.
You must make you choices one day at a time, as each is contingent upon the decision that precedes it. Instead of trying to create a
mental map of your path through this day, focus on My Loving Presence with you. I will equip you as you go, so that you can handle whatever comes your way. Trust Me to supply you what you need when you need it."
Lam 3:22-26 Psl 34-8
Again... God telling me to FOCUS on Him alone and TRUST Him ALWAYS.

Give to Recieve

When you plant a seed, the ground yields a harvest. But the ground can only give to you as you give to the ground, as you invest, spend time watering, nuturing the soil, pulling out the weeds. Many people want something for nothing when it comes to "receiving" from God. How can you get something when you haven't planted any seed? When you have spent no time nurturing your relationship with Him or spreading His seeds of Good News?  Abundance, true abundance, in God's Kingdom begins with investing time planting seeds, giving of yourself, and watering those seeds with His Word.  We can no longer pay or sacrifice our way into Gods mercy. Jesus paid our debt, His cross completed the work in our eternal interest. Our giving then, is no longer a debt we owe, but a seed we sow. The life and power source is from Him. Our giving is simply to act on that power potential in that seed-life He placed in us. Jesus said, "Give and it shall be given to you". Only when we give are we to expect a harvest. And He says it will be " good measure, shaken together, pressed down and running over."
Matt 17:19 Gal 6:7-9
So I need to get out there and plant some seeds!!!

Thinking thinking thinking

Thoughts of worry pummeled my head first thing this morning. About Alfred, about my finances, about my business, about my living situation... Just EVERYTHING! I dwelt on those thoughts for a moment feeling the anxiety rising inside... Then God gently reminded me, STOP... I am in control of all these things.. Of everything! That's My job, your job is to surrender all those worries, concerns, thoughts to Me. Bring your mind "captive" to My thoughts, My will, My promises... With prayer and supplication and thanksgiving... That is all your job requires you to do Co, I WILL DO THE REST!!!
So I stopped those thoughts, the worry thoughts, and immediatly turned my thoughts to praising and thanking Him for all the good that is happening in my life RIGHT NOW and thanking Him for all He will do in the days ahead. Then I opened up my little devotional and as always, God knew exactly what I would struggle with today...

Jesus Calling says this today "The mind is the most restless and unruly part of mankind. Though My blood has fully redeemed you, your mind is the last bastion of rebellion. Open yourself to My radiant Presence, letting My Light permeate your thinking. When My Spirit is controlling your thoughts, your mind, you are filled with LIFE and PEACE."

He never ceases to amaze each day with His little ways He shows me and confirms to me that Jesus cares about and knows my every thought. He is not to big or too busy for me... Or you. He is here for each and every one of us. Always and forever the same yesterday, today, and forever, that's how awesome our God is and more. He is more and wants to bless each of us more than we can even imagine, or think... That is His JOB. Our job is just to TRUST Him and PRAISE Him. Pretty simple huh? Not always easy, but it gets easier the more you press in, the more you will your mind to line up with the mind of Christ.

Thank you Lord for showing me daily how to trust you more and to surrender all my cares to You. Thank you for making my "job" easier as I daily come to You and just share with You. You are healing me in so many ways I can't even express to you the love in my heart for You. But then, You know it already, but You delight in hearing me express it. So I will, every day, every hour, every minute, continue to line my mind up with Yours Lord and praise YOUR HOLY NAME!  

Savoring Him

Well... The womens conference is over..all our work an effort and praying came together in one amazing time with about 125 women! God showed up in a big way... His hand evident in every detail. He provided where we thought we were short... He led us into His throne room thru the worship singers and musicians, He gave us His eyes to the creative decorations so we were able to make the sanctuary like an intimate garden setting. So many different women all doing their own jobs and tasks... But because we put Him in the lead, when all those things were pulled together, it was as if one person, with one vision, had done the work because it all fit perfectly in together. That is truly God! Womens lives were touched by the hand and heart of God last night and today... And even though we didn't go "away" like on a retreat, women felt like they had been transported "away" right there in our sanctuary. One woman told me she felt like she had been to a "spa" for the weekend! Refreshed, renewed and inspired by our conference... All because of our God! He is amazing! And though I am extrmely tired I am also very very satisfied, thankful and extremely blessed to be back where God wants
me... Ministering to women! So praise Jesus! I'm home again!

Can I get a witness?

They overcame by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of their TESTIMONY.
This weekend is our womens conference at New Hope. I have been in charge of "testimonies", women's stories of how they came to know our Lord, or how the overcame a difficult situation in life with the Lord, is how we apply the word, testimony, at our conferences. Our testimony is our story. The facts, what happened, what we did, how we did it... Everyone has a testimony. When people are asked to be a witness in court, they give their testimony as to what happened, what they saw, what they heard, what they did. Our history books are filled with the testimony of events that people wrote down and those words, their testimony, is how we know what happened back then. Testimonies in court are always checked against other witnesses or facts to make sure they are the truth as to what occurred.
In the Bible, in Exodus, God gave Moses the tablets with the ten commandments as a TESTIMONY to what He wanted Moses to tell the people.. Exodus 31:18 as proof that these words came from God. God tells us to keep His testimonies, He establishes A testimony in Jacob, Psalm 78:5. John the Baptist came exalting the name of Christ, testifying that Jesus was and is the Son of God confirmed by John testifying what he saw as he baptized Jesus in the Jordan river, and what God told him... And what was witnessed by others (John 3:32-34). And again he testifies to the certainty of his witness of God's Son, that Jesus Christ is Gods testimony sent to us, (1John 5:7-13)
My testimony is LONG... it's my life basically, filled with ups and downs, times away from God, times in His Holy Presence, but what I have learned is that those times I spent away from Him, He was NEVER away from me... Even in my dirtiest, sinful, shameful times, He was there.. And I never had to wait to be "perfect" for Jesus to accept me back into His fold... He was always just right there... Arms opened wide, tears of joy streaming down His face, running towards me, His prodigal daughter, the daughter who slept in the muck with the pigs... He didn't care... He was always there waiting for me, never giving up on me, never turning His back on me, and once I chose to take even one step towards Him... He RAN towards me... Showering me with Kisses and never reminding me of my shame and guilt, because Jesus, my Savior, My Redeemer, My Restorer, He paid the price for me, so God the Father, could look upon me forever with eyes of Love. That is my testimony... That is the testimony of ALL who believe in Jesus. What a glorious TESTIMONY we have in Jesus. My testimony, my life with Jesus, has had many witnesses that can coaberate my story. They saw these things I'm testifying to... Thank you Jesus for being MY TESTIMONY.. for being my Restorer, over and over again. Thank you for loving me just as I am, and helping me overcome what life throws at me, and sometimes what I do to myself. Thank you for my life in You.

The Well of Salvation

Isaiah 12:2-4 says; Isa 12:2 "Yes, indeed--God is my salvation. I trust, I won't be afraid. GOD--yes GOD!--is my strength and song, best of all, my salvation!" Isa 12:3 Joyfully you will go and pull up buckets of water from the well of salvation! Isa 12:4 And as you do it, you'll say, "Give thanks to GOD. Call out his name. Ask him anything! Shout to the nations, tell them what he's done, spread the news of his great reputation!
I started thinking about why God uses the analogy of "wells, or people at a well," and I thought that maybe because in the days of old, water was a valuable commodity and one that much work sometimes went into getting. Some people have to travel far and every day to get their water. And because they were on foot they could only take one vessel that, once filled with water, they would be able to travel back to their homes, on foot, with little loss of water. sometimes the vessel was broken or cracked, so it leaked, but it was all they had and they needed water. And because they could only handle one vessel the had to go every day, back to the well, wait thier turn in line, drop their bucket in, lowering it carefully, then once full, slowly pulling it back up the well so as not to lose one drop of the precious water needed for them and their families to survive each day. We are so blessed today to be able to just turn on a faucet.. but that act just gets us plain old water.. Needed for life, yes, but not the "water or the well" that gives life and life abundantly. I see God using this analogy because He is the well, He is the Living Waters that sustains us. And just as the people did in the past... We MUST come every day to His well. We must bring our broke, cracked, chipped vessel to the well, the well of Salvation. We need to spend time on his word, dipping our "buckets" deeply in, filling them up, then pulling them back to the top of the well carefully, letting Him tug on our ropes, (heart strings) so as not to spill one drop of Holy Water. Then we need to take that trip back home with our bucket of water and pour it out, in order to bring life to our home, (our hearts, souls, body, spirit) let it wash us, cleansing us from the inside out. And we let it overflow onto and into the rest of our day... Spilling with overflowing love and life to our families, our friends and all we come in contact with. Let your buckets of waters from the Jesus' well of salvation be filled daily, His living loving water overflowing in your life and flooding the lives of others around you.
Good analogy God... I love it! It's On my bucket list! Every day I will take this cracked vessel to your well Lord, and I know it is hard sometimes, and I become tired of doing it every day, but if I don't Lord I know my life will dry up and die and that will effect so many more people in my life, that it would be selfish of me NOT to go to the well EVERY DAY.. besides that, I have come to LOVE my daily trip to and from your well God... It definitly has washed me, it sustains me, I cleanses me and it has pour Living Waters into my life and things are changing for me because of You. Thank you Lord! I praise Your Name and will shout to all who will listen of Your Well of Salvation!

Presence of mind

In the past few days I've been sick with a cold so I've been at home, in bed or just sitting, thinking. Not busy doing anything my mind started going all sorts of places again... You know, into "worry world"... But this time, because of the time I've been spending with God on a consistent basis, it was so much easier to bring those thoughts back into alignment with God, and give those thoughts of worry to Him. And because I could do that, bring my thoughts captive, I did not go deep into that dark place, in fact I ended up feeling encouraged about my future, my finances, my future husband.... LOL I know, I know, a husband! The point is... Just like He promises, the closer I get to Him, The more I trust Him, the more I recieve His immediate blessings of peace in my life.

Jesus calling by Sarah Young says this today;

YOU ARE MINE FOR ALL TIME. Nothing can seperate you from My love. Since I have invested my very life in you, you can be assured I will ALWAYS take care of you. When your mind goes into neutral and your thoughts flow freely, you tend to feel anxious and alone. Your focus becomes problem solving. To get your mind back in gear, just turn toward Me, bringing yourself and your problems into My Presence.
Many problems vanish instantly in The Light of My Love, because you realize you're never alone. Other problems remain, but they become secondary to knowing Me and rejoicing in the relationship I offer so freely to you. Each moment you can chose to practice My Presence or you can practice the presence of problems.
Romans 8:38-39 Exodus 33:14

My Salvation Garden

I was reading The Message version of the Bible this morning and James 1:21 caught my eye. It says
Jam 1:21 So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.

I loved the vision of my life as a garden... But even more, a salvation garden! That's what I want! I want my life to be full of seeds, blooms, blossoms, trees, and even mulch... All growing and planting and nuturing for Gods glory and kingdom. First of all comes the tilling of the soil.. Which can be hard work and not fun... The tilling and turning of my souls soil can involve digging up much of the dead and dying stuff. And also turning over of hardened soil from many years of an unwatered unattended heart. But that work, the turning and churning of that hard
ground, has to be done in order to have good soils for my garden to grow. Then comes the planting of the seeds... These seeds are Gods words...which when planted deep in your heart soil, watered with the Living Water and fed with the Bread of Life will bring new life to any heart, even one which previously thought
they didn't have a "green thumb". Because Gods word does not return void! It Will
grow if tended to. Then after daily nurturing with His Life giving water and food...
Pretty soon those little shoots will spring up.. You might go days and weeks
without seeing them, then one day there it is!! The first little green sprout, lifting it's
little head out of the soil. Then the next day there's a few more sprouts peeking
out from under the blanket of dirt. New life beginning in my salvation garden...
Within a couple of weeks my garden is blooming with flowers of Gods Love.. There
are many different kinds of flowers, roses, hyacinth, lillies, hydrangeas, daisies,
poppies... All representing the people that have been affected by my gardening
skills Jesus has taught me and my gardening tools He's given me.. Gods word,
daily devotions, Loving people as Jesus loves them... When your garden starts
blooming people see it's vibrant colors and they are attracted to your garden... The more seeds you plant the more flowers you get... But in the middle if my salvation
garden is what Im most proud of... The plant I look up to, the one I most want to
be like... It is the firm, sturdy oak tree. The big tree that covers and shades lots of
my flowers.. A sturdy oak that sways to the wind but is NOT moved by it. And
inside that oak is the wood that was used to carve out the cross that my Savoir
bore on His back and hung from for me, for you, for all the world. He is the only reason my salvation garden can grow and He is the only way my salvation garden
can even exist.

Thankful living

Today my big brother Curtis would have been 56 years old. Before he passed away I took for granted that he would always be here with me. That I would always be able to call him and talk about anything and everything that was happening in my life. I never thought that he would go home to be with Jesus so early in his life, so there were times I went for weeks not calling him and didn't think a thing about it... Now that he's gone, I seem to want to call him ALL the time. You know the saying, you don't miss what you have till you lose it... It's so so true. God tells us to be thankful for EVERYTHING all the time... To focus on the good things and to LOVE one another, OFTEN. He tells us this because He knows how fleeting life really is and He knows where our minds go when we focus on ourselves only and only see the BAD in life.
Jesus Calling says it this way:
Bring Me the sacrifice of thanksgiving. Take NOTHING for granted, not even the rising of the sun. Thankfulness should be as natural as breathing. When you focus on what you don't have or on situations that displease you, your mind also becomes darkened. You take for granted life, salvation, sunshine, and countless other gifts from Me. You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life till it is "fixed". When you approach Me with thanksgiving the light of My presence pours into you, transforming you through and through. WALK IN THE LIGHT with Me by practicing the discipline of thanksgiving.
Pslm 116:17. John 1:7
I don't want to miss one single minute of God's blessings.. His blessings are right here in front of us.. The sun, our families and friends, the very fact we're breathing... We owe to Him. Thank you Lord! Thank You for Your abundant blessings. Help me to not take anyone of them for granted again. And Curtis, save me a seat!

My Resurrection

Today is Easter Sunday and as I'm getting ready to celebrate Jesus' resurrection Im thinking of how He recently "resurrected" me... From last July till about mid february of this year I was in such a deep "funk". I had been rejected by yet another man, I was physically feeling like crap, and I was fixated on "my woes" and troubles. The more my mind turned inward on myself, the more depressed I became. Until I was on such a deep hole I thought I would never get out... In January we had begun reading a little devotional that I've mentioned and blogged on many times here, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. For the first month and a half I didn't really devote myself to reading it, but I kept on trying. Slowly, the more I read it and listened to what Jesus was saying to me.. The more I started to draw closer to Him.. The easier it got to do every day. It was so comforting that I eventually my "forcing" myself to read it every morning became something I looked forward to every morning... That is how something becomes a habit.. As the days went on, and I starting blogging what I was hearing from God every day, pretty soon I realized I was starting to feel sooooo good. I woke up happy in the morning, I woke up feeling physically better each morning... Then it happened!!! I realized I was out of that pit finally, and feeling better than I have in YEARS! I haven't been taking my medications that I have been on for years cause of the prices, can't afford them, and yet I physically feel SO GOOD! there is only one reason for this change, one change in my life I made... I deepened my relationship with the Lord, I got my focus off of me and onto Him and I surrendered my total trust to Jesus. And just like He promises... He delivered me! He RESSURECTED me from the "dead". So today as I get ready to celebrate our Lords ressurection... I am so full of love for Him and His Awesome power to do the same for me... And for you!

In God We Trust

This morning i was on the phone with Medicare... They have found me ineligable for "extra help" with my presription drugs because my monthly income on permanent disability is a couple thousand more a year than poverty level. (which btw has not changed since 1989 even though the cost of living has increased immensly since then) I got this help for the last 5 years because the State of California, Medi-Cal, kicked in $8 a month to pay for my Part D plan. (actually i got it off and on ONLY when the prescription drug program and Medicare got their records straight that I had Medi-Cal too, which I had to fight with them over EVERY year at least twice a year) This year, California state Medi-Cal decided to stop doing that for all on SSI or SSDI and So my drugs that cost me $4-$9 each last year are now $4-$250!!! And 3 of the ones I take have no generic brand... So this means my blood pressure medication is now $72 instead of $8! My $9 a month diabetes shot is now $250!  And that is with me paying a premium to both Medicare and a prescription drug insurance program that's costing me $150 a month total. Now do you see why I do NOT beleive in a Government run medical health program! They already run one, have been for years, and every year that I have had to be on it, I have had these types of problems with it. What kind of mess will it be if they have millions more to deal with than just the elderly and the disabled?
Oh Lord, please keep my thoughts from worry, my eyes fixed on you, and my heart totally surrendered in TOTAL TRUST in YOU despite my circumstances. Oh, and Lord, I pray for the government officials that you will give them wisdom, knowledge and Eyes and ears to hear YOUR WILL in all they do and with laws brought before them as our elected officials.    

Got a backed up "sewer" in your heart?

Last night I was working, along with a few other women, on the decorations for our Womens Conference coming up. As we were chatting I found out some had been at New Hope Christian Fellowship, (formerly Sonrise Christian Fellowship), for just a year or so and some had been there way back in the "Chucky Cheese" days. We started talking about those past days and before I knew it LOTS of "stuff" starting coming up for me again... They were curious as to what happened on the "inside" of some situations there at our church, or that occurred in my life after Michael, (my ex) stepped down from being the worship pastor... They were curious about how I got through the divorce... They wanted to know how my daughter, Jessica, was doing these days, which led to questions about Chris, my son in law, and how she dealt with his being KIA in action in 2004. And how the grandkids were doing now... So....
I talked and talked, and then talked some more... Gosh! Sometimes you don't realize all the crap you've gone through till you lay it all out for someone to look at! And talking about my life experiences sure brought up a LOT of memories and feelings last night!!! A couple of times we wept, lots of times we laughed, but most of the time we spent in awe of God's absolute power to get us through ANYTHING and His amazing love and patience with us as He waits for us to turn and FIX our eyes and hearts on Him again when the tragedies and "clutteredness" of life happens.
This morning when I woke up I felt drained... Or actually I felt "plugged" up... Like bringing up all those memories, reliving them again, kind of piled up on each other in my heart and the pipes in there, well they got all "backed up" with the "sewage" of the past. Only the bad parts of what we talked about remained in my heart and mind this morning, like a big clogged pipe, and I was loaded down with all that S--T! I was feeling all "fibromyalgia-y", hurting all over and sad and a little lonely and for the first time in a loooonnnnggg time, missing being married to Michael. Now where do I go with that!?!!? I've found there is ONLY ONE PLACE I can go... God's Throne Room!

Oh God, Maker of the Heavens and the Earth... Help me to keep you in my heart as my only LOVER, the only One I truly desire. Relieve me of the thoughts that tend to block up my heart and my mind from hearing and listening to Your thoughts and plans for me and feeling Your heart beat. Make the painful memories of my past become useful tools and testimonies in my present. Turn ALL of what the enemy meant for evil into a glorious testimony so that I may show, and help, others overcome. Let me be a conduit, an open pipeline to You Lord, bringing others into the Glory that is found in only You, My King. Amen