Short n Sweet

NOTE TO SELF- KEEP YOUR EYES FIXED ON HIM. All else will follow in His time.

Co

Climbing out

"There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more. Nothing that I do will make Him close the door." I cling to these words sung in one of my favorite songs. No matter how much I whine and complain.. No matter how often I crawl into my "hole", curling up in the fetal position, blankets over my head, in the darkness... Jesus will ALWAYS be there with me. But just as He is always there, know that there is also an enemy here on this earth that is also searching and seeking to destroy you. Oh you can keep him at bay, you can fill your thoughts with the Word, and you should. But just as you get "comfortable", let your guard down even for a moment, he WILL take that opportunity to try to pull you down again. He remembers all your weaknesses and where you have stumbled in the past and Satan will use that against you. What never ceases to amaze me, confuse me, is how I fall for it over and over again. But I'm only human, right? And many times the enemy comes "dressed in sheeps clothing". He comes "masked" as something we think will make us happy. And I don't give him all the credit...Much of it is my own fault, cause I've been here before and I should know better. But as I try to draw closer to the Lord, I am realizing that sometimes God allows these dark times to continue because it isn't until we are totally broken and bruised that we finally surrender and that is when He can really show His splendor and grace. I don't like that part... But it's a true fact about us, we want run the show... Never wanting to surrender our will, we're so stupidly stubborn. The good news is, no, the GREAT news is, GOD IS ALWAYS right there waiting for us to accept His tender, merciful, life-giving love, His plan for us. So He waits patiently for us to "take the blankets off", to stand up and start climbing out of the pit. Today, I feel a little better than yesterday, a little more hope, a lot more faith, and I feel LOVED by HIM... which is what I crave most...Tomorrow Jesus will be there again, holding His hand out for me to take hold of, as I continue to climb.
Co

He's Faithful

Jesus is so tenderhearted and patient with me. I'm struck this morning with His never ending, everlasting love. No matter where I'm at in my head, my heart, He ALWAYS meets me there. Never pushing, never "beating" me up about my failings. Just quietly, gently, lovingly waiting. Waiting for me to start up the mountain with Him again. He holds me, tenderly rocking me, whispering His love song to me, like soft sweet mist falling on my face, slowly refreshing my thirst. He lifts me up and carries me when I can't walk another step. A constant in my life, when everything else around me is chaotic and changing, it's His love I can always rely on. He is Faithful, even when I'm not, even though i don't deserve it. Thank you Father, thank you so much. Today I'm standing up and putting one foot in front of the other. Tomorrow? well maybe I'll be back down on the ground, crawling... But its okay... You'll be right there beside me, FAITHFUL.

Co

Waiting

I haven't blogged in days. Not in a good place with God right now. Not that I love Him any less, but just that I'm wondering why He is making me wait.... Why do I have to wait so long to feel a man love me again? Why do I have to wait to be happily in love? Why do I make such a big deal of it in my head anyway? Why? Why? Why do I yearn for this so much? To where it consumes me... I know in my head that a man doesn't define me. I believe in my head that God has that perfect man somewhere for me. I know He has my best interests at heart... But then my heart says "why not now, God?" I've prayed, I've grown closer to Him, I've been doing all I should be doing, I think. So where is he? Where is my lover? Then there has been the thoughts and feelings about the man in my past... (not my ex). Still those feelings that he is, was, the one for me. And then those thoughts consume me too.... Those thoughts i know i should not have... Like Paul said, "I wrestle with myself" why do I do this over and over? I am a soul in anguish.... Am I a woman who is being rebellious refusing to give up my feelings for him? Am I a such a wretch for wanting him still? Maybe I am. But he made me happy... And though I know better, sometimes it feels like God has just left me here to my own devices, waiting. Not a good place. So be gentle on me my friends as you reply. I am just a woman bearing her tormented heart. Never claimed to be perfectly in His will... But always said i would be transparent and honest on here. So here I am.... Waiting.

Co

A poem in process

Heal my heart Lord
Rise up in me
Stitch it back up
Do surgery

What he did to my heart, Lord please, undo
Its shattered and desperate, to name just a few

Heal my heart Lord
Rise up in me
Stitch it back up
Do surgery

My heads bowed in shame
Weighed down by the guilt
Feeling unloved in the "game"
Once blooming, now wilt

Heal my heart Lord
Rise up in me
Stitch it back up
Do surgery

My eyes You will lift
My head You will raise
The pain that You sift
Sort out and find praise

Heal my heart Lord
Rise up in me
Stitch it back up
Do surgery

Never let me again
Buckle under to men
Refine my coal
Purging my soul
Of those tapes that still play
In my head, in the way

Heal my heart Lord
Rise up in me
Stitch it back up
Do surgery

Blissfull Words of Wisdom

"BURDENS~ I compare the troubles which we have to undergo in the course of a year to a great bundle of sticks, far too large for us to lift. But God does not require us to carry the whole at once. He mercifully unties the bundle, and gives us one stick, which we are to carry today, and then another, which we are to carry tomorrow, and so on. This we might easily manage, if we would only take the burden appointed each day; but we choose to increase our troubles by carrying yesterday's stick over again today, and by adding tomorrow's burden to our load, before we are required to bear it."~ John Newton

These words ring so true to me as to what I've been doing to myself, and as to how God's grace, love and mercy, wishes me to handle my worries, trials and circumstances that I have gone thru, am experiencing today, and what tomorrow may bring. The image of the bundled sticks, is such a great visual for me and of what I do... I may choose to re-carry some sticks, past troubles, guilt, unforgiveness, anger from things done to me, or I did to myself, in the past, or I choose to add some sticks to today's load by conjuring up future problems or scenarios in my head, that usually tend to be far worse than the actual outcome of the situation I'll be worrying about. Sometimes I choose to not pick up any sticks at all, and just sit there in my pile of sticks, with them painfully poking into me. Or my personal favorite, I choose to pick up the entire bundle of sticks all at once! Dwelling on the past, dreading today's load, and adding tons more to my arms, my
heart, by adding all of tomorrows sticks and imagining those "sticks" will be all dirtied and broken, like broken dreams of the past.
BUT FOR GOD... and this my friends, is the sentence that hit me the MOST... "God MERCIFULLY unties the bundle, and gives us first ONE stick, which we are to carry today, and then another, which we are to carry tomorrow, and so on."
Our Savoir, Our Redeemer, Jesus Christ, loves us so, He tenderly unties the tangled and frayed ropes we've wrapped around our lives, gently and methodically untangling and sorting out the broken, painfully sharp, sticks from the ones that, if planted and tended to, could re-root new life. And then He mercifully hands them to us, one at a time... And He will do this every single day for us. It's what I choose to carry or pick up, that is my responsibility.
Matthew 11:29-30 Take MY yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

Help me O Lord! One stick at a time Lord, one stick at a time.

Co

Just call me Hephzibah

Isa 62:4 No more will anyone call you Rejected, and your land will no more be called Ruined. You'll be called Hephzibah (My Delight), and your land Beulah (Married), Because GOD delights in you and your land will be like a wedding celebration.

I came across this scripture yesterday and once again was amazed and in awe of Gods attention to me... Just like He had it written there thousands of years ago, knowing one day liitle, insignificant, me was going to need to read these words. He knew that I was going to be struggling with these two issues... My home (my land) and wanting to be in a relationship again (married). He knew that I would be crying out to Him these last few weeks, or just sitting here, numb from the loneliness and rejection. And I realize, once again, that little, insignificant, me is not so "little and insignificant" AT ALL to GOD. Thank you Lord! Thank you so much for loving me... For always knowing just what I need to hear from You, exactly when I need to hear it. You are incredible and little ol' me.... Well to You, i'm pretty incredible too.

Love,
Co
Aka: Hephzipah
p.s. And maybe one day my name will be changed to Beulah.

Homesick

I miss my home so much right now. I'm HOMESICK. It's been 2 years since I moved out of my house, 2 years since I sold a lot of my stuff, packed up the memories and what I could fit into one room, and moved out to live in someone else's home. It's been very very difficult, very trying, and feeling so "displaced" to live in someone else's home. Surrounded by their life, their tastes, their collected moments. I have moved three times since leaving my home, and each place has come with it's blessings and it's trials. Trying to keep faith in my heart that God IS working behind the scenes to get me back into my home is THE most difficult thing to stay focused on, because waiting on the Lord to work everything to it's exact right point of entry into existence ALWAYS takes time. And we are so programmed for SPEED... NOT waiting. I just WANT to go home. I miss my kitchen, the way the sunlight came in the morning and caught the prism hanging in the window and made
rainbows dance all around. I miss my pink craft room. I miss sitting out in the back throwing the ball over and over for jazz and sitting out front waving at the neighbors that drove by. I miss my little nicknacks up on the green shelves above my wooden corner table and bench. Can you tell, I JUST MISS MY HOME. God teach me patience and trust in this time. Plus give me YOUR PEACE about my future, and the future
of my kids... That everything will go well for ALL of us.

Co

Today

Today is my jessica's 29th birthday. 29!! You know that ol' saying, "seems like only yesterday..." well, it doesn't. It feels like a lifetime ago that I gave birth to my daughter... Sometimes it seems like two lifetimes! Like a "different" life. And it was, a totally different life I lived back then. When I look back on some of the memories it makes me laugh out loud... Some make me cry... And some make me just sit in awesome wonder. When I think about all the amazing works of God's Hands... Giving birth, having a totally seperate individual human being come out of your body, is the MOST AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, WONDERFUL and sometimes painful, act that God created us to do. And then to entrust us to care for this little person, to teach them, train them, feed them, keep them safe and be responsible for their physical and emotional well-being for many years to come... That is one of the toughest things to do in this life, and one I'm sometimes not sure I did
so well... I mean I know I helped raise a daughter who is strong, confidant most of the time, definitly loving, most of the time, funny, smart, and I could go on and on.. But there are many times I know I screwed up. Times when I made her feel bad, times when I didn't put her first, so many times when I said the wrong thing, critisized her, yelled at her because I was mad at "him". Times I was so not the right "role-model" for her. Regretfully, you can't take any of those times back... I can only move forward. Sometimes I wonder why God entrusted us to raise kids when we are still "growing up" ourselves? When we arent even sure of ourselves, sometimes, and where we are going in life, and who we are in Christ at all. Now that she is an adult, with kids of her own, it is so hard to "right" any of the "wrongs" I did, I can only ask for forgivness I guess. And try to be there for her as she raises her own little individuals. And pray, I can do that. All in
all, so far, looking back, I feel in my heart that the good times, the times I was, and am, a good mom, far outweigh the bad. And seeing her raise her own kids, brings such joy to my heart. I pray God continues to teach me though and that I listen.
Lord help me to be a better mother, a better listener, a good encourager, the best example, I can be, always following after Your heart Jesus, to the best of my ability, showing the Love of Christ to my daughter and my family.
Happy Birthday Jessica! I hope you can forgive me for the times i have failed as a Mother, and i also hope and pray you will hold in your memories all the times when i didnt fail, more than the other times. I love you forever and always. Mom

Willingness

"A muscian is not recommended for playing long, but for playing well; it is obeying God willingly that is accepted; the Lord hates that which is forced, it is rather a tax than an offering. Cain served God grudgingly; he brought his sacrifice not his heart. Good duties must not be beaten out of us, as the waters came out the rock when Moses smote it with his rod; but must freely drop from us, as myrrh from the tree, honey from the comb. If a willing mind be wanting, there wants that flower which should perfume our obediance, and make it a sweet smelling savor unto God." ~T Watson
I read this today from this book I have, "Leaves of Gold". It got me thinking.. How much do I "force" myself to pray, or spend time reading the word out of "ritual" or habit, like my morning cup of coffee? How many times have I come to God in prayer as if it were a "magic" formula that if I do this, say these words, than God will do what I want Him too? I know there are many times I just pray, because that is what we do as Christians, we pray... Never thinking that it's how we come to Him, in what condition our heart is when we come to Him, that really matters. Some people pray, saying the same words over and over... Calling out His name with every other word that comes out of their mouth. Almost as a "robotic" prayer. Does God accept those prayers? I don't think He does... Because God knows our hearts always, He knows our deepest inward, and what we think are hidden, feelings and thoughts and actions. We can't fool Him into thinking we're holy, just
because we pray, or we go to church and worship. The bible says: Mat 15:8-9 "These people make a big show of saying the right thing, but their heart isn't in it. They act like they're worshiping me, but they don't mean it. They just use me as a cover for teaching whatever suits their fancy."
Psalm 51:16-17 says: "for You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a BROKEN spirit, a broken and contrite heart- these oh God, You will not despise."
Coming to Him broken, powerless, weak to the point of total surrender, this is what God desires of us. And total REPENTANCE of our sins... Admitting to Him, and the one we sinned against, our sin... Asking for forgivness with a truly repentive, broken, heart. Then and only then will our prayers be as a sweet smelling aroma to Him. Dripping effortlessly from our broken, surrendered hearts. Not beaten out of us, not forced because we think that is what will get us blessings... But freely and utterly flowing from us because our desire is to bring that truly acceptable offering to Him. Maybe He wants us to search our hearts so deeply, so that we come face to face with our wicked hearts, those parts of us which we dont want to see or admit, and that which He already knows, not for His sake, but for ours.

Co

Timing is everything

So, I've been going thru some "things" in the past couple of weeks. Things that I want to have happen in my life so badly... I've been wrestling with God about these things for some time now. I get frustrated, angry, depressed, and apathetic when I don't see these "things", these desires, these dreams of mine, happening, coming to fruition.
I pray, I cry out to God, I pray some more... But sometimes I feel I get no answer. But really, I'm realizing that "no answer" is an answer... The answer is "not yet my daughter". He tells us that all things come in His timing, in His planning, His PERFECT planning. It's not that He's forgotten me at all... I need to remember that. It's just not the right time yet... He's still preparing the way for my desires to come about. If I try to rush these plans, like I've done in the past, I will not be truly happy. Only when I WAIT on the Lords timing, when He puts just the right man in my path, when He brings everything in order for me to be able to move back into my home... And when I get out of His way, moving out from in front of Him, to patiently waiting behind Him, while He clears the way, and fully trusting that He is doing what He promises He will do, only then will I see these "things" happen in my life. In HIS TIMING, not mine. He tells us so many
times in the bible to WAIT and TRUST. In today's world we aren't taught to wait for anything, everything is quicker, faster, better NOW. And thru much of my life experience, I also have had issues with TRUSTING. But I have to remember that trusting man and trusting God are different. Men are just that, human men. Full of flaws and failings. But God, oh He is full of unfailing promises and unending love. Lord teach me to wait with patient trust and perfect peace. Knowing that in Your TIMING Your plans for me will come to pass and knowing that those plans, that person, will all come in your perfect time, just in time.
Jerimiah 29:11

No matter where I go, there He is

Haven't blogged in a few days... My mind has just been all over the place. So I've been spending time trying to "re-focus". Funny how God works, cause Jesus Calling has been all about your thoughts and bringing them to Jesus, lately. Sometimes it just takes me more time... Re-doing the old "tapes", to get back in line with His Word, His thoughts. Today's a better day... His mercies are new each morning, thank God! A new day to start over, start fresh. I'm so grateful for that, His fresh grace, each morning because I tend to revert back to my old ways, my old patterns, over and over again. I'm thinking I'm not alone in this behavior though, right? Guess we won't get it perfect ever, but He's happy with me anyway... He loves me just as much even though I fail, it's just my happiness that is more complete when I turn to Him instead of trying to go it alone.
Jesus Calling is good today. Just what I need to hear. it says: The world is too much with you, My child. Your mind leaps from problem to problem to problem, tangling your thoughts in anxious knots. When you think like that, you leave Me out of your world-view and your mind becomes darkened. Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom. I stand silently in the background of your mind waiting for you to remember that I am with you.
When you turn from your problems to My Presence, your load is immediatly lighter. Circumstances may not have changed, but WE carry your burdens together. Your compulsion to "fix" everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with Me. Together we can handle whatever this day may bring. Isaiah 41:10, Zeph 3:17, Psa 34:19
Sometimes it's "spooky" how this little book is so in line with my thoughts, my concerns, it REALLY is Jesus Calling me! I love that about God though... He shows up in so many places for us... He's always right there... Right HERE. Thank you Jesus!  

Treasure seeking

I just finished writing a "thank you" card to my Great Aunt. It may be the last card I ever get to send her. Aunty Dory, Doris Anythe Peterson, (btw Anythe is my middle name), is ready to go "home" to be with Uncle Carl. She's tired, sick, and just wants to go. I can hear it in her voice when I talk to her. I understand her wanting to go... I will miss her so much. But what I am really convicted by, is all the years I didn't call her. All the times I didn't write her... All the wasted years not telling her how much I love her. It's not like I intentionally did it... I was busy raising my family, busy working, just busy. And it's not like she ever made me feel bad about not calling, not keeping in contact, nope, never once. But now that my children have their own families they're busy raising, and I am alone, I have called her more often. Not nearly as much as I should, but I have. And each time I did, that little 5-10 min conversation meant SO much to
her. She made me feel like the most special person on the planet for calling her, telling me I made her day, her week, her month even! And I would hang up and think... Why do I wait so long to call her? Why am I so selfish that I don't take 5 min to just call her and tell her I love her more often? It's such a simple little thing. Less time than it takes to catch up on Facebook, and so much more valuable, to me and her! She is my FAMILY! and when it's all said and done in your life, God and family are the ONLY things that matter. This LOVE is the only thing that can't be stolen from us. Even when they are gone from this earth, we still have their memories, their love in our hearts. Nothing or no one can take that away unless we let them. (Romans 8:35-39) The question is, how many memories are we going to have after they are gone? What kind of memories will they be? Will they be full of regret? Will they be full of guilt for all the times you just didn't
take the time to tell them you love them. Or all the times you didn't make time to see them? Or will they be full of beautiful little moments shared? I've found that the more I give out to, share with others, the more blessed I AM! even though they are the ones "recieving" I end up being the one blessed. Family is so IMPORTANT. Mothers, Fathers, Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins... And then your "extended" family... Those friends who have become family... All of them are the ones who truly matter in this life. You never know when they will be gone from here, or when you will... I am convicted by this... Making every moment here count by making every moment a chance to show and tell my family how much I love them. 1Cor 13:13 "And now abide in faith, hope, love, these three. But the greatest of these is LOVE."

Co

Someone give me the epidural!

Mic 4:10 Well, go ahead--twist and scream, Daughter Jerusalem. You are like a woman in childbirth. You'll soon be out of the city, on your way and camping in the open country. And then you'll arrive in Babylon. What you lost in Jerusalem will be found in Babylon. GOD will give you new life again. He'll redeem you from your enemies.

I came across this scripture this morning and said "yes! This is what I've been feeling." like I'm going thru childbirth. The pains, the tossing and turning at night trying to get comfortable. The worrying if everything will be okay with "the baby". The baby being in this case, my future, I guess. I've been twisting and screaming for days with God again. Feeling like I'm going to explode. Crying at the drop of a
hat, just like when I was pregnant. A bundle of emotions and doubts and fears and
glimpses of happiness. Curling up into the fetal position at night when trying to
sleep. Childbirth is not always fun... But the end result is the best thing EVER! So I wait patiently to give "birth" to whatever it is God is doing in me. Knowing the end result will be in His time, His plan and incredible!

Again with the thoughts!

I've come to realize that even one day of not spending time with God in my early mornings leads me to a bad place in my mind. After only a couple of days of taking time off from spending time in the word, praying to Jesus for wisdom, listening to what He has to say to me, then writing my thoughts down here, I find my mind just goes to this bad, lonely, pity-me, place. And that is where it has been for the past two days... "oh I'm so alone, oh I'll never have a man in my life again, oh I'm so unhappy with my weight, oh woe is me!!!" YUKE!! horrible nasty place to be. And SO easy to go to... And a place I've chosen to dwell many times before. But not anymore! I don't understand quite fully why my mind wins this war so often, so easily, I just know it does. And I am the only one who can do what's necessary to bring my thoughts back to Jesus. Well, He is the only one who can do that... But it is my choice to surrender to Him these thoughts, these worries,
the degrading tapes about myself that play in my head. He gives us free will... To choose HIM or not. And it seems like just when you think you're impervious to those thoughts, that you're prayed up enough that the enemy can't get in there... So you can take a "break" from shoring yourself up in the Word, that's exactly when the "enemy of your soul", Satan, gets you again. I'm realizing I can't take a break from God, I'm realizing frankly,why would I want to anyway? I need to keep the mind of Christ, to put Him first in my thoughts ALWAYS! And the more I draw near to Him the more peace I feel... But also, the more the enemy hates me... Because I have the Spirit of Jesus in me... Of course he's going to hate that... And the second I let down my diligence, my building up in Christ, my deepening knowledge of His Power in me, Satan will try to steal that joy... That's what he's all about. And Jesus is all about counting all our circumstances, good and bad,
all joy. For they are all times to lean on, press into, grower nearer to, be dependant on Him. To walk by Faith, not by sight or our wicked thoughts. But To know, truly know HIM and who we are in HIM. Have you ever used a lantern to light your path... You can only see the very next step in front of you. Maybe that is why Gods word says, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Knowing that we are only meant to see that which is right in front of us, trusting Him to lead and go before us... Thank you Lord for leading me AGAIN back to Your path... Back to You. Continue to teach me to stay right here, right now, mind fixed on you, trusting You to supply my eveything for now, and knowing You hold my all my tomorrows too. You've never left me in the past, why should I ever think you would forget me in the future? Praise His Name!

Co

What was meant for evil...

TRUST TRUST TRUST. That is what I keep hearing from God. Jesus Calling says this today: if you learn to TRUST Me, totally, nothing can seperate you from Me. Everything you endure can be used to train you to TRUST Me. This is how you foil the works of evil, growing in grace through the very adversity of what was meant to harm you.  Do not fear what this day, or any day, may bring your way. Concentrate on TRUSTING Me and on doing what needs to be done. Relax in My Sovereignty, remembering that I go before you, into each day. Fear no evil, for I can bring out the good of every situation you will ever encounter.
Gen 50:20 Psl 23:4
This TRUTH I have experienced... God has used ALL my "bad" actions, my failures, my heartaches, the things I've done to myself, and that have been done to me, for good. Sometimes it took years to come to that "good" but it always comes when I press into Him. When I trust in Jesus... It comes. Not really ready to divulge some of my "bads" here yet... But I think you who know me can see the "good" work God is doing in me now, now that I have turned back to Him. And that is my point here I'm trying to make about the absolute LOVE God has for us and the absolute forgivness we recieve thru His Son. I've done things that are absolutely HORRIBLE in Gods eyes, but did He turn me
away when I turned back to Him... NO! But it is Nothing I did to recieve this forgiveness... It is ALL about what Jesus did for us. My part is to repent, ask for forgivness, and then TRUST in Him. There is a line in a song sung by Darlene Szech (sp?) that I love and speaks so simply yet so incredibly DEEP about Gods character and how it has nothing to do with my "works" it says " Theres nothing you can do to make Him love you more... Nothing you can do that makes Him close the door." BUT we are told time and again to TRUST Him. So I do. I trust Him for EVERYTHING! I trust Him to turn every evil thing I've done and every evil thing that's been done to me, in my life to GOOD. And as I learn to trust Him more and more, I will be able to use those things to speak His Life into others. That is my desire... To use my testimony, my story, to speak about His Grace, Mercy and Love to other women that are hurting. To tell them that HE is the ONLY ONE that can use what the enemy meant for evil and turn it into good. For HIS GLORY. To Him be all HONOR and GLORY and PRAISE.

NDOP

Today is National Day of Prayer. I went to a morning and a noon prayer meeting. It was cool to pray with other believers from different churches in Simi. And it was cool to know that thousands and thousands of other believers were praying too. But what really struck me is that our country has come to such a place that we had a lot more issues to pray for... Like the "media" on the Internet and tv and radio. Out children are blasted every day with things we NEVER even heard about when we were kids, and thier innocence is bombarded daily from our new technology. In order to preserve their innocence we'd have to lock them in a room with just about nothing in it. So it's up to us to pray for our children, to teach them values and morals. And when your children are grown, it's up to us to continue praying for them and thier children... Because this world is not getting better... It's getting worse. And i think that it is the body of Christ in America and their prayers that has kept Gods grace on this Country. When Gods people give up, stop standing up to the forces of darkness and become compliant and apethetic... The enemy has a field day, as is evident in today's world. We MUST continue to pray and speak up while we are able to here in America. Because it's that mind set of "that will NEVER happen here in America" in Gods people, so we don't speak out, we don't vote, we don't PRAY against immorality, that has allowed our country to get to what we see today. That and the mind set of those who fight against God and His people, that NEVER stops fighting for their agenda, that NEVER gives up to get their beliefs into our schools, our media, our families, and they're winning the battle folks. Because we've GIVEN IN, GIVEN UP! You know, the National Day of Prayer almost got cancelled this year by our "President". Doing anything in the white house for it this year DID get cancelled this year. That's why, while we still can, we need to PUBLICLY stand up, speak out, and pray for our Nation. And for God's GRACE to remain on us. God Bless America!

Someones going home

I think God is going to take someone close to me home soon. Or maybe a couple of my
loved ones... First of all, my Great Aunty Dory, whom I got my extraordinary middle name, Anythe, from (pronounced a neeth). She is in her 80s and sick and tired of being sick and tired. She just wants to go home to be with Uncle Carl... She has stopped taking her
medications to facilitate this.. Which concerns me.... I understand her feelings though and although I will miss her, I respect her wishes to go from here. Then there is Alfred, my friend Fumiko's husband, that had a stroke three years ago and is totally incapacitated but has full presence of his mind. I sit with him 3 times a week for almost two years now and have become so attached to him. He has been battling infections off and on for months now and the only thing the doctor does is just put him on one antibiotic after another. I truly beleive that those are what's making him sicker but all I can do is try to be his voice, his advocate, and then pray. Since he can't tell us where it hurts or what he's feeling, it is so hard to know. And he is getting very tired of feeling sick and laying in that bed 24/7. I can see it in his eyes. He is giving up. And I certainly wouldn't want to live like that, and I know he doesn't. So I understand if he wanted to go "home", his heavenly home. Sometimes I feel horrible for thinking it... But it would almost be the best thing for him. But Fumiko would be devastated! She keeps believing he is going to be totally healed and come back home like normal... And while I don't doubt God could do that if He wanted to... I also am being realistic about the situation. But I don't give up praying and hoping for his total healing. Then last, but certainly not least, there is my Papa... He has emphysema and congestive heart failure, and has come back from being "dead" a few year back now... But he is bad again and so frustrated with doctors, whom he hated already. But like Alfred, he was an active man... Fishing, working, doing, all the time. And now, he can't even walk to the dining room from the living room without getting short of breath. And that alone is killing him! He wants the doctors to keep him on steroids even though they may shorten his life span, because he says he would rather feel good for a couple more years, than to feel horrible for a lot more years. I'm mixed on this "pending" loss though... He's my DAD. No one wants to lose their parents... Even though we all know it is going to happen sooner or later... We all wan the much later option on this one. I DONT want him to die yet!! Is that selfish? I don't care!
The bottom line in all this is this... It's all in Gods Hands! Whether they are "saved" or not I definitly care about that... But I also beleive, no, I KNOW God gives us all that last breath moment to accept Him, to go home with Him. The Word says... "God wishes that NO ONE should perish, but have everlasting life." So I know My Redeemer can redeem even the most hardened heart at the last moment if He chooses. And I beleive He does. So if I lose anyone these people, I will be totally sad, even devastated for a time... But not
destroyed. Because my HOPE, my TRUST and my STRENGTH is in GOD.
Thanks you Lord for caring for us all even though none of us deserve it... But through your Son, the Perfect Sacrifice, You can look on us as clean and holy, so we can be allowed to go home with You when it's our time.

BE HERE NOW

Jer 29:11 I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Ok God... I know your plans and thoughts are better for me than my own. That's obvious by looking back on my life at the times that I relied on my own plans and dwelt on my own thoughts, and the messes I made of my life at those times. Oy vey! I had some doozies! But Youve always drawn me back to You... Always brought me back into your fold.. Your tender loving arms... No matter what I did. I'm here again, trying not to worry about the future, trying to stay in the moment, the here an now with YOU. Because that is where You tell me I need to be.. Need to stay... Right here, right now, with YOU. Take the bad thoughts, worries and doubts of my future from my mind Lord. Help me to bring them back to You NOW and HERE. Give me thoughts and plans that are in YOUR WILL, from Your Spirit. Keep me KNOWING and BELIEVING Your future plans for me are under control so I can concentrate on being in Your Presence right NOW. Sometimes I get ahead of You and want to know now the end of the story... But you know that. You knew that if we did know the end we would muck it all up trying to reach it, that's why it's best to just stay in this moment with You now. It's here with You I'm happiest anyway, no doubts, no fears, no worries... Just pure unconditional LOVE from YOU. That's where i'm happiest. Accepted and uplifted by YOU. Thank Heavenly Father. Thank you for this Peace that surpasses all understanding. Being HERE and NOW happy in my heart with YOU.

My lack is His strength

Today I lack the energy to do what I need to get done. Going to take my grandkids, Ivy and Luke, up to my Dad's and step-mom's. That in itself is an endevour I need MUCH STRENGTH for, (family issues can be the most draining things, know what I mean?) But before that trip even starts I need to finish packing, empty my car, pack my car, go sit with Alfred for a few hours, THEN meet up with the kids and start the drive, the 3-4 HOUR drive up to Paso Robles. And I am TIRED today. Boo hooing and all that pity is going to get me nowhere. So, I go outside with my coffee and the first thing I do is start thanking God for everything... Everything I see, everything I have, everyone I know... Cause I have no energy to do much else, but I do know that He does have more than enough for me..So I praise Him and I thank Him and then I open up my devotional, Jesus Calling and He tells me this...

"When some basic need is lacking, time, energy, money, consider yourself blessed. Your very lack is an opportunity to latch onto Me in unashamed dependence. When you begin a day with inadequate resources, you must concentrate your efforts on the present moment. This is where you are meant to live-- in the present. It is the place where I await you. Awareness of your inadequacy is a blessing, training you to rely wholeheartedly on Me. 
"The truth is self-sufficiency is a myth perpetuated by pride and temporary success. Health and wealth can disappear instantly, as can life itself. Rejoice in your insufficiency, knowing that My power is made perfect in your weakness"
Jam 1:2 2Cor 12:9 

So I Surrender Lord... I admit I don't have the energy, time, or strength to accomplish everything I need to do without You! I'm relying on YOU to get me through today Lord... And you know what? I KNOW YOU WILL! I can already feel Your energy and power helping me. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Father. Thank you Holy Spirit. Now... I'm off!!! Let's go!!! Have a blessed weekend all!!!

One of those weeks

juat having one of those weeks. Kind of down, kind of lonely, kind of just blah. Wanting to be in a relationship but God isn't bringing anyone directly to me. I know that I have to get my eyes on Him more and off of the future and what it may hold. I'm wondering what's going to happen with my house... Whether the mortgage will get modified, whether I'll ever be able to move back into it. Again, knowing I have to get my eyes on Him and off the future. Wondering if Alfred will ever get better or if his doctors will ever figure out exactly what's causing his problems. wondering whether my business will start taking off and if it will be soon. For some reason this week all my thoughts are "future directed" But without being "hopeful" without surrender. That isn't good and I know this... Lord help le to keep my eyes on you, keep my hope in you, and keep surrendering all to you. Because I know that is what is going to give me peace in the midst of all my wondering and questions and doubts. Help me to remember Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you... Plans of good and not of evil. Plans to bring you a hope and a future.

Should have read "Jesus Calling" BEFORE writing the above, because if course God knew exactly what I needed to hear today:
"As you look into the day that stretches out before you, you see many choice-points along the way. The myriad possibilities these choices present confuse you. Draw your mind back to the threshold of this day where I stand beside you, lovingly preparing you for what's ahead.
You must make you choices one day at a time, as each is contingent upon the decision that precedes it. Instead of trying to create a
mental map of your path through this day, focus on My Loving Presence with you. I will equip you as you go, so that you can handle whatever comes your way. Trust Me to supply you what you need when you need it."
Lam 3:22-26 Psl 34-8
Again... God telling me to FOCUS on Him alone and TRUST Him ALWAYS.

Give to Recieve

When you plant a seed, the ground yields a harvest. But the ground can only give to you as you give to the ground, as you invest, spend time watering, nuturing the soil, pulling out the weeds. Many people want something for nothing when it comes to "receiving" from God. How can you get something when you haven't planted any seed? When you have spent no time nurturing your relationship with Him or spreading His seeds of Good News?  Abundance, true abundance, in God's Kingdom begins with investing time planting seeds, giving of yourself, and watering those seeds with His Word.  We can no longer pay or sacrifice our way into Gods mercy. Jesus paid our debt, His cross completed the work in our eternal interest. Our giving then, is no longer a debt we owe, but a seed we sow. The life and power source is from Him. Our giving is simply to act on that power potential in that seed-life He placed in us. Jesus said, "Give and it shall be given to you". Only when we give are we to expect a harvest. And He says it will be " good measure, shaken together, pressed down and running over."
Matt 17:19 Gal 6:7-9
So I need to get out there and plant some seeds!!!

Thinking thinking thinking

Thoughts of worry pummeled my head first thing this morning. About Alfred, about my finances, about my business, about my living situation... Just EVERYTHING! I dwelt on those thoughts for a moment feeling the anxiety rising inside... Then God gently reminded me, STOP... I am in control of all these things.. Of everything! That's My job, your job is to surrender all those worries, concerns, thoughts to Me. Bring your mind "captive" to My thoughts, My will, My promises... With prayer and supplication and thanksgiving... That is all your job requires you to do Co, I WILL DO THE REST!!!
So I stopped those thoughts, the worry thoughts, and immediatly turned my thoughts to praising and thanking Him for all the good that is happening in my life RIGHT NOW and thanking Him for all He will do in the days ahead. Then I opened up my little devotional and as always, God knew exactly what I would struggle with today...

Jesus Calling says this today "The mind is the most restless and unruly part of mankind. Though My blood has fully redeemed you, your mind is the last bastion of rebellion. Open yourself to My radiant Presence, letting My Light permeate your thinking. When My Spirit is controlling your thoughts, your mind, you are filled with LIFE and PEACE."

He never ceases to amaze each day with His little ways He shows me and confirms to me that Jesus cares about and knows my every thought. He is not to big or too busy for me... Or you. He is here for each and every one of us. Always and forever the same yesterday, today, and forever, that's how awesome our God is and more. He is more and wants to bless each of us more than we can even imagine, or think... That is His JOB. Our job is just to TRUST Him and PRAISE Him. Pretty simple huh? Not always easy, but it gets easier the more you press in, the more you will your mind to line up with the mind of Christ.

Thank you Lord for showing me daily how to trust you more and to surrender all my cares to You. Thank you for making my "job" easier as I daily come to You and just share with You. You are healing me in so many ways I can't even express to you the love in my heart for You. But then, You know it already, but You delight in hearing me express it. So I will, every day, every hour, every minute, continue to line my mind up with Yours Lord and praise YOUR HOLY NAME!  

Savoring Him

Well... The womens conference is over..all our work an effort and praying came together in one amazing time with about 125 women! God showed up in a big way... His hand evident in every detail. He provided where we thought we were short... He led us into His throne room thru the worship singers and musicians, He gave us His eyes to the creative decorations so we were able to make the sanctuary like an intimate garden setting. So many different women all doing their own jobs and tasks... But because we put Him in the lead, when all those things were pulled together, it was as if one person, with one vision, had done the work because it all fit perfectly in together. That is truly God! Womens lives were touched by the hand and heart of God last night and today... And even though we didn't go "away" like on a retreat, women felt like they had been transported "away" right there in our sanctuary. One woman told me she felt like she had been to a "spa" for the weekend! Refreshed, renewed and inspired by our conference... All because of our God! He is amazing! And though I am extrmely tired I am also very very satisfied, thankful and extremely blessed to be back where God wants
me... Ministering to women! So praise Jesus! I'm home again!

Can I get a witness?

They overcame by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of their TESTIMONY.
This weekend is our womens conference at New Hope. I have been in charge of "testimonies", women's stories of how they came to know our Lord, or how the overcame a difficult situation in life with the Lord, is how we apply the word, testimony, at our conferences. Our testimony is our story. The facts, what happened, what we did, how we did it... Everyone has a testimony. When people are asked to be a witness in court, they give their testimony as to what happened, what they saw, what they heard, what they did. Our history books are filled with the testimony of events that people wrote down and those words, their testimony, is how we know what happened back then. Testimonies in court are always checked against other witnesses or facts to make sure they are the truth as to what occurred.
In the Bible, in Exodus, God gave Moses the tablets with the ten commandments as a TESTIMONY to what He wanted Moses to tell the people.. Exodus 31:18 as proof that these words came from God. God tells us to keep His testimonies, He establishes A testimony in Jacob, Psalm 78:5. John the Baptist came exalting the name of Christ, testifying that Jesus was and is the Son of God confirmed by John testifying what he saw as he baptized Jesus in the Jordan river, and what God told him... And what was witnessed by others (John 3:32-34). And again he testifies to the certainty of his witness of God's Son, that Jesus Christ is Gods testimony sent to us, (1John 5:7-13)
My testimony is LONG... it's my life basically, filled with ups and downs, times away from God, times in His Holy Presence, but what I have learned is that those times I spent away from Him, He was NEVER away from me... Even in my dirtiest, sinful, shameful times, He was there.. And I never had to wait to be "perfect" for Jesus to accept me back into His fold... He was always just right there... Arms opened wide, tears of joy streaming down His face, running towards me, His prodigal daughter, the daughter who slept in the muck with the pigs... He didn't care... He was always there waiting for me, never giving up on me, never turning His back on me, and once I chose to take even one step towards Him... He RAN towards me... Showering me with Kisses and never reminding me of my shame and guilt, because Jesus, my Savior, My Redeemer, My Restorer, He paid the price for me, so God the Father, could look upon me forever with eyes of Love. That is my testimony... That is the testimony of ALL who believe in Jesus. What a glorious TESTIMONY we have in Jesus. My testimony, my life with Jesus, has had many witnesses that can coaberate my story. They saw these things I'm testifying to... Thank you Jesus for being MY TESTIMONY.. for being my Restorer, over and over again. Thank you for loving me just as I am, and helping me overcome what life throws at me, and sometimes what I do to myself. Thank you for my life in You.

The Well of Salvation

Isaiah 12:2-4 says; Isa 12:2 "Yes, indeed--God is my salvation. I trust, I won't be afraid. GOD--yes GOD!--is my strength and song, best of all, my salvation!" Isa 12:3 Joyfully you will go and pull up buckets of water from the well of salvation! Isa 12:4 And as you do it, you'll say, "Give thanks to GOD. Call out his name. Ask him anything! Shout to the nations, tell them what he's done, spread the news of his great reputation!
I started thinking about why God uses the analogy of "wells, or people at a well," and I thought that maybe because in the days of old, water was a valuable commodity and one that much work sometimes went into getting. Some people have to travel far and every day to get their water. And because they were on foot they could only take one vessel that, once filled with water, they would be able to travel back to their homes, on foot, with little loss of water. sometimes the vessel was broken or cracked, so it leaked, but it was all they had and they needed water. And because they could only handle one vessel the had to go every day, back to the well, wait thier turn in line, drop their bucket in, lowering it carefully, then once full, slowly pulling it back up the well so as not to lose one drop of the precious water needed for them and their families to survive each day. We are so blessed today to be able to just turn on a faucet.. but that act just gets us plain old water.. Needed for life, yes, but not the "water or the well" that gives life and life abundantly. I see God using this analogy because He is the well, He is the Living Waters that sustains us. And just as the people did in the past... We MUST come every day to His well. We must bring our broke, cracked, chipped vessel to the well, the well of Salvation. We need to spend time on his word, dipping our "buckets" deeply in, filling them up, then pulling them back to the top of the well carefully, letting Him tug on our ropes, (heart strings) so as not to spill one drop of Holy Water. Then we need to take that trip back home with our bucket of water and pour it out, in order to bring life to our home, (our hearts, souls, body, spirit) let it wash us, cleansing us from the inside out. And we let it overflow onto and into the rest of our day... Spilling with overflowing love and life to our families, our friends and all we come in contact with. Let your buckets of waters from the Jesus' well of salvation be filled daily, His living loving water overflowing in your life and flooding the lives of others around you.
Good analogy God... I love it! It's On my bucket list! Every day I will take this cracked vessel to your well Lord, and I know it is hard sometimes, and I become tired of doing it every day, but if I don't Lord I know my life will dry up and die and that will effect so many more people in my life, that it would be selfish of me NOT to go to the well EVERY DAY.. besides that, I have come to LOVE my daily trip to and from your well God... It definitly has washed me, it sustains me, I cleanses me and it has pour Living Waters into my life and things are changing for me because of You. Thank you Lord! I praise Your Name and will shout to all who will listen of Your Well of Salvation!

Presence of mind

In the past few days I've been sick with a cold so I've been at home, in bed or just sitting, thinking. Not busy doing anything my mind started going all sorts of places again... You know, into "worry world"... But this time, because of the time I've been spending with God on a consistent basis, it was so much easier to bring those thoughts back into alignment with God, and give those thoughts of worry to Him. And because I could do that, bring my thoughts captive, I did not go deep into that dark place, in fact I ended up feeling encouraged about my future, my finances, my future husband.... LOL I know, I know, a husband! The point is... Just like He promises, the closer I get to Him, The more I trust Him, the more I recieve His immediate blessings of peace in my life.

Jesus calling by Sarah Young says this today;

YOU ARE MINE FOR ALL TIME. Nothing can seperate you from My love. Since I have invested my very life in you, you can be assured I will ALWAYS take care of you. When your mind goes into neutral and your thoughts flow freely, you tend to feel anxious and alone. Your focus becomes problem solving. To get your mind back in gear, just turn toward Me, bringing yourself and your problems into My Presence.
Many problems vanish instantly in The Light of My Love, because you realize you're never alone. Other problems remain, but they become secondary to knowing Me and rejoicing in the relationship I offer so freely to you. Each moment you can chose to practice My Presence or you can practice the presence of problems.
Romans 8:38-39 Exodus 33:14

My Salvation Garden

I was reading The Message version of the Bible this morning and James 1:21 caught my eye. It says
Jam 1:21 So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.

I loved the vision of my life as a garden... But even more, a salvation garden! That's what I want! I want my life to be full of seeds, blooms, blossoms, trees, and even mulch... All growing and planting and nuturing for Gods glory and kingdom. First of all comes the tilling of the soil.. Which can be hard work and not fun... The tilling and turning of my souls soil can involve digging up much of the dead and dying stuff. And also turning over of hardened soil from many years of an unwatered unattended heart. But that work, the turning and churning of that hard
ground, has to be done in order to have good soils for my garden to grow. Then comes the planting of the seeds... These seeds are Gods words...which when planted deep in your heart soil, watered with the Living Water and fed with the Bread of Life will bring new life to any heart, even one which previously thought
they didn't have a "green thumb". Because Gods word does not return void! It Will
grow if tended to. Then after daily nurturing with His Life giving water and food...
Pretty soon those little shoots will spring up.. You might go days and weeks
without seeing them, then one day there it is!! The first little green sprout, lifting it's
little head out of the soil. Then the next day there's a few more sprouts peeking
out from under the blanket of dirt. New life beginning in my salvation garden...
Within a couple of weeks my garden is blooming with flowers of Gods Love.. There
are many different kinds of flowers, roses, hyacinth, lillies, hydrangeas, daisies,
poppies... All representing the people that have been affected by my gardening
skills Jesus has taught me and my gardening tools He's given me.. Gods word,
daily devotions, Loving people as Jesus loves them... When your garden starts
blooming people see it's vibrant colors and they are attracted to your garden... The more seeds you plant the more flowers you get... But in the middle if my salvation
garden is what Im most proud of... The plant I look up to, the one I most want to
be like... It is the firm, sturdy oak tree. The big tree that covers and shades lots of
my flowers.. A sturdy oak that sways to the wind but is NOT moved by it. And
inside that oak is the wood that was used to carve out the cross that my Savoir
bore on His back and hung from for me, for you, for all the world. He is the only reason my salvation garden can grow and He is the only way my salvation garden
can even exist.

Thankful living

Today my big brother Curtis would have been 56 years old. Before he passed away I took for granted that he would always be here with me. That I would always be able to call him and talk about anything and everything that was happening in my life. I never thought that he would go home to be with Jesus so early in his life, so there were times I went for weeks not calling him and didn't think a thing about it... Now that he's gone, I seem to want to call him ALL the time. You know the saying, you don't miss what you have till you lose it... It's so so true. God tells us to be thankful for EVERYTHING all the time... To focus on the good things and to LOVE one another, OFTEN. He tells us this because He knows how fleeting life really is and He knows where our minds go when we focus on ourselves only and only see the BAD in life.
Jesus Calling says it this way:
Bring Me the sacrifice of thanksgiving. Take NOTHING for granted, not even the rising of the sun. Thankfulness should be as natural as breathing. When you focus on what you don't have or on situations that displease you, your mind also becomes darkened. You take for granted life, salvation, sunshine, and countless other gifts from Me. You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life till it is "fixed". When you approach Me with thanksgiving the light of My presence pours into you, transforming you through and through. WALK IN THE LIGHT with Me by practicing the discipline of thanksgiving.
Pslm 116:17. John 1:7
I don't want to miss one single minute of God's blessings.. His blessings are right here in front of us.. The sun, our families and friends, the very fact we're breathing... We owe to Him. Thank you Lord! Thank You for Your abundant blessings. Help me to not take anyone of them for granted again. And Curtis, save me a seat!

My Resurrection

Today is Easter Sunday and as I'm getting ready to celebrate Jesus' resurrection Im thinking of how He recently "resurrected" me... From last July till about mid february of this year I was in such a deep "funk". I had been rejected by yet another man, I was physically feeling like crap, and I was fixated on "my woes" and troubles. The more my mind turned inward on myself, the more depressed I became. Until I was on such a deep hole I thought I would never get out... In January we had begun reading a little devotional that I've mentioned and blogged on many times here, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. For the first month and a half I didn't really devote myself to reading it, but I kept on trying. Slowly, the more I read it and listened to what Jesus was saying to me.. The more I started to draw closer to Him.. The easier it got to do every day. It was so comforting that I eventually my "forcing" myself to read it every morning became something I looked forward to every morning... That is how something becomes a habit.. As the days went on, and I starting blogging what I was hearing from God every day, pretty soon I realized I was starting to feel sooooo good. I woke up happy in the morning, I woke up feeling physically better each morning... Then it happened!!! I realized I was out of that pit finally, and feeling better than I have in YEARS! I haven't been taking my medications that I have been on for years cause of the prices, can't afford them, and yet I physically feel SO GOOD! there is only one reason for this change, one change in my life I made... I deepened my relationship with the Lord, I got my focus off of me and onto Him and I surrendered my total trust to Jesus. And just like He promises... He delivered me! He RESSURECTED me from the "dead". So today as I get ready to celebrate our Lords ressurection... I am so full of love for Him and His Awesome power to do the same for me... And for you!

In God We Trust

This morning i was on the phone with Medicare... They have found me ineligable for "extra help" with my presription drugs because my monthly income on permanent disability is a couple thousand more a year than poverty level. (which btw has not changed since 1989 even though the cost of living has increased immensly since then) I got this help for the last 5 years because the State of California, Medi-Cal, kicked in $8 a month to pay for my Part D plan. (actually i got it off and on ONLY when the prescription drug program and Medicare got their records straight that I had Medi-Cal too, which I had to fight with them over EVERY year at least twice a year) This year, California state Medi-Cal decided to stop doing that for all on SSI or SSDI and So my drugs that cost me $4-$9 each last year are now $4-$250!!! And 3 of the ones I take have no generic brand... So this means my blood pressure medication is now $72 instead of $8! My $9 a month diabetes shot is now $250!  And that is with me paying a premium to both Medicare and a prescription drug insurance program that's costing me $150 a month total. Now do you see why I do NOT beleive in a Government run medical health program! They already run one, have been for years, and every year that I have had to be on it, I have had these types of problems with it. What kind of mess will it be if they have millions more to deal with than just the elderly and the disabled?
Oh Lord, please keep my thoughts from worry, my eyes fixed on you, and my heart totally surrendered in TOTAL TRUST in YOU despite my circumstances. Oh, and Lord, I pray for the government officials that you will give them wisdom, knowledge and Eyes and ears to hear YOUR WILL in all they do and with laws brought before them as our elected officials.    

Got a backed up "sewer" in your heart?

Last night I was working, along with a few other women, on the decorations for our Womens Conference coming up. As we were chatting I found out some had been at New Hope Christian Fellowship, (formerly Sonrise Christian Fellowship), for just a year or so and some had been there way back in the "Chucky Cheese" days. We started talking about those past days and before I knew it LOTS of "stuff" starting coming up for me again... They were curious as to what happened on the "inside" of some situations there at our church, or that occurred in my life after Michael, (my ex) stepped down from being the worship pastor... They were curious about how I got through the divorce... They wanted to know how my daughter, Jessica, was doing these days, which led to questions about Chris, my son in law, and how she dealt with his being KIA in action in 2004. And how the grandkids were doing now... So....
I talked and talked, and then talked some more... Gosh! Sometimes you don't realize all the crap you've gone through till you lay it all out for someone to look at! And talking about my life experiences sure brought up a LOT of memories and feelings last night!!! A couple of times we wept, lots of times we laughed, but most of the time we spent in awe of God's absolute power to get us through ANYTHING and His amazing love and patience with us as He waits for us to turn and FIX our eyes and hearts on Him again when the tragedies and "clutteredness" of life happens.
This morning when I woke up I felt drained... Or actually I felt "plugged" up... Like bringing up all those memories, reliving them again, kind of piled up on each other in my heart and the pipes in there, well they got all "backed up" with the "sewage" of the past. Only the bad parts of what we talked about remained in my heart and mind this morning, like a big clogged pipe, and I was loaded down with all that S--T! I was feeling all "fibromyalgia-y", hurting all over and sad and a little lonely and for the first time in a loooonnnnggg time, missing being married to Michael. Now where do I go with that!?!!? I've found there is ONLY ONE PLACE I can go... God's Throne Room!

Oh God, Maker of the Heavens and the Earth... Help me to keep you in my heart as my only LOVER, the only One I truly desire. Relieve me of the thoughts that tend to block up my heart and my mind from hearing and listening to Your thoughts and plans for me and feeling Your heart beat. Make the painful memories of my past become useful tools and testimonies in my present. Turn ALL of what the enemy meant for evil into a glorious testimony so that I may show, and help, others overcome. Let me be a conduit, an open pipeline to You Lord, bringing others into the Glory that is found in only You, My King. Amen

Peace I bring to you. My Peace I give to you

Jesus Calling is just too good today to even have to expound on...
"Taste and see that I am GOOD. The more intimately you experience Me, the more convinced you become of My goodness. I am the LIVING ONE who sees you and longs to participate in your life. I am training you to find Me in each moment and to be a channel of My Loving Presence. Sometimes My blessings come to you in mysterious ways; through pain and trouble. At such times you can know My goodness only thru your trust in Me. Understanding will fail you, but trust will KEEP YOU CLOSE TO ME.
Thank Me for the gift of My Peace, a gift of such immense proportions that you cannot fathom it's depth or breadth. When I appeared to My disciples after the resurrection, it was PEACE that I communicated first of all, I knew this was their deepest need: to calm their fears and clear their minds. I also speak PEACE to you, for I know your anxious thoughts. Listen to Me! Tune out other voices, so that you can hear Me more clearly. I designed you to dwell in PEACE all day, every day. Draw near to Me; receive My Peace.
Psl 34:8. Gen 16:13-14. John 20:19. Col 3:15

I'm tired today

Today I'm really tired... had really really strange dreams last night plus I think I pulled my cpap mask off in the middle of the night. (if any of you following don't know, I have sleep apnea), so that is probably another reason I'm tired today... Whatever the reason once again, like clockwork, the enemy immediatly tries to wedge his way into my sleepy tired brain and my thoughts were not so good first thing this morning. But praise God as I take this daily step of "renewing" my mind with the washing of His Word.. It doesn't take so long to bring my little human wandering brain back in line. That is how habits are formed, right? Good ones and bad ones. By doing them daily... Or repetitively, over and over till our brains "get it!" then it becomes easier and easier to do... Or harder and harder to break, depending on what you are training your mind on... The good thoughts or the bad ones. I heard a very successful man say the other day..."the simple things are easy to do... They are also easy NOT to do..." just like trying to eat right daily.. You usually start out with good intentions, then you miss a day and eat at Mickey D's... Then you go some days doing good... Then you mess up two days in a row due to whatever excuse you make up... Then it becomes easier and easier to just fall back into your old habits. Your old patterns. Pretty soon you're don't care at all about what you put in your mouth and you're right back where you were... Beating yourself up and feeling like crud physically and mentally. And if you stay there long enough you'll end up not caring at all about anything. The same can be said about taking the time daily to pray or talk and LISTEN to God... It really can take as little as 5-15 minutes of your day to start... not long at all to spend with your Creator... He certainly is worthy of more than that, but keep it simple to begin with... You're more likely to continue doing it because it you keep it simple. Pray, read His Word and then Listen to what He is saying to you... If you don't know what you're listening for, if you think God doesn't talk to you, you're wrong. He is that still, quiet little voice inside your head that you've squashed, that you've silenced for so long... He is the one that is saying "you are precious My daughter. You are the apple of My eye.. The one I love with a love everlasting. The ONE I sent My Son to die for... Hear Me whispering My words of love to you, and if you sit still and try to listen every day, one day My voice, My words of LOVE to you will be a SHOUT in your mind... So audible you can't deny it, can't mistake it and can't LIVE without it!! You are the desire of My heart my love and I
want to be the desire of yours. Trust Me with all your heart even, ESPECIALLY, when you are tired... If all you can do is utter... "I trust You
Jesus" then do so. Because I hear you Always, and your cries are not a small little whisper in My ears. I KNOW your voice... I listen for it daily, every minute, every second...because I am the Lover of Your Soul... Can you hear Me?"
It's the simple things that are easy to do, but if done over a period of time, are the MOST rewarding. So today Lord, even in my tiredness, I fix my mind on You.. I hear You and Your voice is starting to become so loud and clear in my head, I trust You Jesus, to complete me.. To fulfill me, and as I daily listen for You, I KNOW one day my Lover's Words will be a SHOUT in my heart.
Jeremiah 29:13-14, Phil 4:13 Prov 1:33

Before you pray...stop and perform a "heart check"

This is so GOOD to remember... Check your heart daily as you come to God in prayer. Check your heart and make sure you're not just praying for what you can "get" from Him, but that you're coming to Him, conversing with Him, spending time with Him, because this time spent with "the Lover of your Soul", just being in His Presence, listening to His "heart", is what you truly desire more than anything in this world. 
Paraphrase of "Jesus Calling" says it this way... "Be still in My Presence, even though countless tasks clamor for your attention. Nothing is as important as spending time with Me. Do not seek Me primarily for what I can give you. Remember that I, the Giver, am infinitely greater than any gift I may impart on you. Although I delight in blessing My children, I am grieved when My blessings become "idols" in their hearts. Anything can become an idol if it distracts you from Me as your "FIRST LOVE". As you wait in My Presence, enjoy the greatest gift of all: Christ in you, the Hope of Glory!"
Wow...what a Reality check for me this morning as I was just going to pray for all the things I "need".... Then I read that. And it is so true... In life and with God... If all you desire truly is what someone can "give" to you... It makes you very selfish, and eventually, very lonely.. Cause who wants to be friends, or in a relationship, with someone like that? Hmmmm?      

Try it... You'll like it!

Excerpt from "Jesus Calling" 
"Waiting on Me means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out yourself. 
I have promised many blessings to those who wait on Me: renewed strength, living above ones circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of My continual Presence. Waiting on Me helps you to remain reliant on Me, ready to do My will.  It also helps you to enjoy ME.. And in My Presence there is fullness of joy." 
Isa 40:31 Psm 16:11

We wait for everything else in life... Wait in line, wait for work, wait for enough money to do the things we've been waiting to do... So why NOT be willing to WAIT on the LORD? The thing is, if what you're doing isn't working for your life, then why not try His way in your life? After all, He created the "product", He is the expert on "how" it should work, right?     

An Attitude of Gratitude

I woke up worrying this morning. Have been in a financial downward spiral this month. One day I think I'm out of it... The next day I find out I'm not. So "worry" was the first thing on my mind when I woke up... And the first thing I did was check my bank balance... Then I REALLY worried! LOL. The more I worried the bigger the problem got in my head, ya know what I mean? In a split second you can go from casual thoughts of being low on cash for a day or two... To financial bankruptcy if you let your mind dwell in that place for even a couple of minutes. Sometimes our worst enemy is our minds. But then I remembered what I have been trying to get across to all of us, myself included, on this blog... To change those old tapes that have played time and time again in our minds in the past that just left us in emotional ruin. "Stinkin' Thinkin'! as I like to call it. Immediately I turned my thoughts to Jesus.... I started thanking Him for waking up and feeling good this morning. I thanked Him for my family and friends, I thanked Him for what He has been doing in my life lately as far as ministry. As I went on thinking of things to be thankful for my list grew long... Heck, I even thanked Him for being able to get out of bed this morning!! Because when it comes right down to it.... We should be thankful for the very breath we're able to take on our own... A roof over our heads, food readily available in and waiting for us in the kitchen. Being able to walk, to talk, to smile... Oh the things I need to remember to ALWAYS be thankful for go on and on, really.
3 days a week I visit a friend of mine who had a stroke 3 years ago... He was a vibrant man, worldly, legendary in the world of Fiats and Ferraris... A master painter... An inspiration to many in his 76 years. But in the blink of an eye, a stroke took that all away from him. He can no longer walk, he can't talk, has to be fed thru a tube, he can't move from the bed on his own... His daily needs have to be taken care of by the nursing staff. All of his finances had to be done away with, so he could be covered by Medi-Cal for this 24/7 care. I go and sit with him, talk to him, take him outside in his wheelchair, and try to encourage him, to get him to even smile a little. So, after doing this, seeing him 3 days a week for almost 2 years now, you'd think I would NEVER EVER complain about ANYTHING in my life. But I'm only human and God is still working on me...
So, again I say, instead of dwelling on your current crud... That you could blow up in your mind... Making your problems insurmountable,
start thinking of all you DO have to BE THANKFUL for... And then start THANKING HIM for those things. Doing this type of thinking, praying, will become the tapes that play in your head eventually and you will walk around with an Attitude of Gratitude. A thankful heart also puts you in line with God's Will, a place where you will begin to see His Presence and blessings in all that you do. And that my friends, is something to be very very THANKFUL for.

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young says this today:
LET THANKFULNESS TEMPER ALL YOUR THOUGHTS. A thankful mind-set keeps you in touch with Me. I hate it when my children grumble, casually despising My sovereignty. Thankfulness is a safeguard against this deadly sin. Furthermore, a grateful attitutide becomes a grid through which you perceive life. Gratitude enables you to see the Light of My Presence shining on all your circumstances. Cultivate a thankful heart, for this glorifies Me and fills you with joy.
1Cor 10:10. Heb 12:28-29

O daughter of Jerusalem

This is a letter written to a friend of mine from her brother... but it is really a letter written by God to all of us, women, and men... receive it!!

O daughter of Jerusalem Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your King is coming to you; He is just and having salvation. Lowly and riding on a donkey; a colt, the foal of a donkey. Zechariah 9:9

Greetings, my beloved daughter of the New Jerusalem, through all the riches in Christ Jesus, who is worthy to be praised. I had been thinking of writing you, but I waited to hear a word from the Lord. This morning, I was praying for you and your loved one. The Lord touched my heart to write this to you: Your King has already come on a donkey, a colt, the foal of a donkey. He has made His triumphant entrance into Jerusalem. Yes, they laid their clothes and branches of palm trees before Him as He rode on a the donkey. They shouted, "Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord! The King of Israel!" John 12:13 O daughter of the New Jerusalem, He has died for our sins and He has risen from the dead and He sits at the right hand of the Father. One day, O daughter of Jerusalem, He shall come again. But He shall come as King of Kings, Lord of lords, and sit on His rightful throne. He has paid the price for us. He has suffered for the sinful. He has bore the separation from the Father. His Name is above all names in heaven and on earth. Yes, at the sound of His name, every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess He is Lord. O daughter of the New Jerusalem, He has clothed you in love, faith and hope. He has presented you blameless and spotless before the Father. God, the Father doesn't see us through wrath but through the righteous blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Christ Jesus' blood paid the price for our righteousness. It is His righteousness that the Father sees. Sometimes I wonder why we are so special and so much loved by God that He would die for us. Sometimes we think we are worthless dirt. But God took dirt and made us. Could you imagine the world without dirt? There wouldn't be life. So many things grow out of dirt. We need plants to survive.
O daughter of the New Jerusalem, there comes a time in our lives when we stop living and God starts to live through us. A time when we start living for that New Jerusalem. Yes, when our clothing becomes love, faith and hope. I wonder sometimes if anyone could see my new clothing, love, faith and hope? Who can truly see love, faith and hope? The are invisible to the human eye. Only through the eyes of the Lord can anyone see this new clothing. I encourage you O daughter faith treats things hoped for as reality. It assures us that the unseen is real. We have an assurance in the coming of our Lord. I ask you, What do you hope for in this life time? You have a Lord and you have a home in the future. How big and awesome is your God? Can your hope be measured by His awesome power and will? O daughter, God is our hope. And whatever He puts inside us or instills within us, no one can rob us of. God is our assurance that He put it there. I don't look at my surroundings, my situations, nor any outside doubts about what God has instilled within me. I live by faith, love and hope. When I allow God to do His will in my life, , my hope is increased, my love is increased and my faith is increased. I know without a doubt God wants the very best for me. I can Hope. I can see the unseen prayers answered. My will becomes God's will. I can trust God and say, Lord Your will be done in my life.
O daughter of the New Jerusalem,there will be problems in our lives. There will be disappointments and sufferings. These things are common to man. But we endure them and go forth in the name of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. They help us grow and mature into men and women of God. Yes, we have to be tested. Whatever God has planned for us, He equips us for that very task or job. He never overloads us. I don't know what you may be going through, I don't know your personal trial and I don't need to know. Our great and awesome God knows. I pray He comforts you and carries you through whatever may come you way for His glory. We must learn to overcome the obstacles in our lives and not allow them to become mountains we can't climb.
I want to share this with you, someone shared with me through the Holy Spirit: "I want to let you know you're in my prayers... I imagine you may be overwhelmed because you've been dealing with so much lately. And maybe you're wondering, (as I have wondered at times), how things are ever going to work out? And I just want to remind you that although life brings many changes, God's love for us REMAINS constant. He's always there, guiding us through decisions and helping us do the hard things... Always restoring in us a sense of hope and peace, no matter what we're facing. And the most beautiful thing about God is that the more we need Him, the closer He is... That's how I know He is especially close to you now."
These words were a comfort to me and I pray they be a comfort to you. God knows who you are now and you need to remember who you ARE.. Your King sits on the throne. You are a child of God now. You have a Father who answers your prayers. He is a Father who loves you unconditionally. He gave His Son to set you free from the bondage of sins and low living. He has given you hope. Your salvation is secure. You can hope for things in this world and let them glorify Him. God knows what makes us happy and He knows every intent and thought within our hearts and mind. There are no secrets hidden from Him. Yes, He sees the tears that are shed in secrecy. He knows every pain in our hearts. O daughter of the New Jerusalem, you must believe He loves you and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Every prayer God has answered for me has been far greater than what I asked for or every imagined. I trust Him. Some, I had to wait and some haven't happened yet. But I know His timing is far greater than mine. I don't know the future, I don't know what's around the corner, I don't have power and glory, I don't keep everything in existence, and I don't remain faithful all the time... Only GOD DOES and He is in control The Lord Jesus Christ said "your faith has healed you." What miracle do you need done? I pray you understand the answer: "Thus says the Lord: Refrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears. For your work shall be rewarded, says the Lord. And they shall come back from the land of the enemy." There is hope in your future, says the Lord, "That your children shall come back to their own border." Amen Jeremiah 31:16-17 Look ahead O daughter of the New Jerusalem!!!

That simple word..." Trust" is so complicated

Trust.. Why is it so darn difficult to do? Jesus says to trust Him and I try everyday to focus my heart on that... But sometimes it is a prayer I must repeat, an action I must force myself to accomplish, many times a day. I guess it's so hard and sometimes too time consuming, to even try due to our past experience. I mean who hasn't been hurt in one way or another by "trusting" another person? I know for myself, it's happened many many many times. And I as well, have broken peoples trust in me, many times. I've come to realize it is because we tend to put all our trust in humans, and because we're human, we fail.. All fall short. So we take those past experiences with our friends, parents, lovers, ourselves even, the experiences of broken trusts that caused deep pain, the worst heartaches, and carry them over with us when we come to know God... And of course we have issues trusting Him. These trust issues start so early in our lives sometimes, as babies even, and can continue through our formidable years, so that when we do "grow up", become able to choose to believe in Christ on our own, of course we are going to have trouble trusting Him. He knew that... And He is very patient, and oh so able, to help us through this heart issue. I've found that asking Him daily, sometimes hourly, or minute by minute, to change my heart, to bring it to a place of complete trust, is the only way that I've been able to "change" those old trust issues, re-make those old tapes so to speak, that play in my head. It is a daily re-newing of our minds, of our hearts, surrendering to Him and allowing the Master Potter to re-mold us, to shape us into His image. And the only way I can do that is by drawing nearer to Him. Get to know Him better by reading His love letter to me daily. And who doesn't love a good love letter? His word is His love letter to us.. Once you start putting it in your head daily, finding out His amazing, incomprehensible, extravegant, unconditional and unfailing love for you... Once you allow that to daily penetrate your heart.. And thanking Him for helping you to trust Him...One day you will find your trust issue is not an issue anymore, but the very thing that fills you with complete and utter joy. The kind you've been searching for all your life to fill you, but were never, and will never, be able to be filled by any human, place, thing, drug or drink. Only God can fulfill that spot. Trust Him to do it, keep trusting Him and drawing nearer to Him... Then one day you'll turn around and find it isn't hard at all. And so worth it!
Jesus Calling says this today:
Rejoice and be thankful! As you walk with Me through this day, practice trusting and thanking Me along the way. Trust is the channel through which My Peace flows into you. Thankfulness lifts you up above your circumstances. I do My greatest works through people with grateful,
trusting hearts. Rather than planning and evaluating, practice trusting and thanking Me continually. This is a paradigm that will revolutionize
your life.
Phil 4:4. Psl 95:1-2 Psl 9:10

Holy Spirit Come

I started my walk with Jesus in 1988, accepting Him into my heart at the invitation of one of the greatest orators of Gods Word, Pastor Jack Hayford. I read the word, listened to people speak, tried to understand to the best of my ability. But there was always something missing, something that didn't make the Word "alive" to me. Then one day Pastor Jack spoke on the Holy Spirit. He said, inviting the Holy Spirit to dwell within you, would open your eyes to Gods Words, and enable our hearts to have the power of Gods word made manifest in us. WOW. I wanted that. So I started to find out more about this "Holy Spirit" and I read "Good Morning Holy Spirit" by Benny Hin, and did what he and Pastor Jack said.. I started each morning by asking the Spirit of the Living God to come dwell within me. To open my eyes and ears to hear His word. To bring to life, Gods word. I didn't necessarily believe it, I just did it. But Jesus tells us you only need faith the size of a mustard seed, (have you seen a mustard seed? It's so so tiny), and I had that. Consistently I did this, not really noticing a difference for awhile, but it was a gradual change of my heart. But that is how the Holy Spirit is.. It is Jesus' Spirit He sent to dwell with us... Gentle, softly coaxing, the sweet sweet Presence of Him. Till one day I noticed a difference in how the Word of God was suddenly jumping out at me. His scriptures seemed to penetrate my heart. I no longer felt I was JUST reading a book. But Jesus was speaking to me, literally to ME, through this book that had been written thousands of years ago. But it wad as if it was written today... and written especially for me, for whatever I was going through that day! I tell you all, I don't know HOW it works, I just KNOW it works. I am proof of that. God delivers on His promises! The word became alive to me, my undertanding of it was increased. It became manifest IN ME. It was as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes and a blockage had been removed from my ears. Honest!! I am NOT lying. And it is still alive to me today, I can feel His sweet Spirit in me daily.. And I am forever changed! Thank you Holy Spirit... Forever You'll remain in my heart.
Jesus Calling says this today:
Thank Me for the glorious gift of My Spirit. This is like the priming of the pump of a well. As you bring Me the sacrifice of thanksgiving, regardless of hoe you feel, My Spirit is able to work more freely within you. This produces more thankfulness and more freedom until you are overflowing with gratitude. I shower blessings on you daily, but sometimes you don't perceive them. When your mind is stuck on a negative focus, you see neither Me nor My gifts. In faith, thank Me for whatever is preoccupying your mind. This will clear the blockage so that you can find Me.
2Cor 5:5. 2Cor 3:17
This weekend I get to hear Pastor Jack at New Hope, my church. I am so excited to hear what he has to teach
me. And so happy that my ears and eyes will be wide open because I say, "Come Holy Spirit, Come."

One day at a time

One day at a time... This was the most repeated motto in AA. And alot of the time, for us addicts, it was one minute at a time. Jesus tells us over and over again the same thing. And for good reason... I find if I start thinking about ALL my problems, situations, things I need to get done in the weeks ahead, my brain goes on overload and just totally fritzes out!! My heart gets heavy with the stress. I get depressed and it all becomes just too much for me. I shut down, give up, and feel like a failure. Sometimes I wonder if God wired us that way? Because He knew we would most likely not call out to Him until we were at the end of our ropes, hanging on by a thread. But no matter if that was how or why He wired us that way, He tell us that He will provide us a way of escape. And that He will ALWAYS take care of our needs, our pains, our tribulations. He doesn't say we won't have them, but He promises He will always walk thru it with us and be carry us if need be, and provide us with the strength to get thru to the other side of any situation. He doesn't even "require" you to do anything in return, He can handle everything perfectly fine without you. BUT Jesus does ASK us to "come to Him" "to trust Him" "to obey His commandments". But it is our choice to do so or not. It is one of the marvelous gifts God gave us.... Free will to choose. So today I WILL my will to TRUST in Jesus. He is not a man, He is GOD. He does not and cannot lie. And He promises He will take care of our needs and never leave us or forsake us. My responsibility is to do the necessary steps for the tasks, problems, situations that I can, then Surrender my will to Him and give Him all the honor, power and glory and thanks for doing what He says He will. TRUSTING He WILL come thru for Me, all the time, every time. And it's been my experience in my life, He ALWAYS does what He promised. In His Time.

To paraphrase Jesus Calling today, "Trust Me one day at a time. This keeps you close to Me, responsive to Me. Exert your will to trust Me in all your circumstances. Don't let your need to understand distract you from My Presence. I will equip you thru this day, victoriously! Tomorrow is busy worrying about itself. Trust Me ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Psl 84:12. Matt 6:34

Psalm 84:12 says " blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord". I don't know about you, but I want to be blessed, every minute of every day. One day at a time.

A Prisoner of Hope

No time to blog this a.m. But now I do have a little time and wanted
to share a little "HOPE". I reserve the right to come back and add to this later when I have more time as this us such
an important word to grasp onto in our walk with Jesus.
At bible study this am we looked at Zechariah 9:9-12. And it basically said that it is time to become a "prisoner of HOPE" instead of a prisoner of doubt and fear. Zechariah told his people in order to move into a new place of answered prayer with God they needed to stop fasting and start feasting! They needed to trade all their doubt for HOPE. Remember HOPE is a future-directed faith and understanding that God DOES fulfill ALL HIs promises!! All our HOPE is in HIM. Hope is believing in the unseen, trusting that GOD did, does and will do all HE promises! I'm a prisoner of HOPE!! 

Keep it simple, stupid.

A whisper. Such a simple little thing, yet so powerful in setting your day up for blessings. Whisper His Name.. call out to Jesus even in the quietest voice, a whisper, He hears you. Even in the smallest little thing, He shows us He is here. The smile on ur childs face, a bright bed of blooming flowers, an unexpected contact with an old friend, or a word of encouragement from a complete stranger. He is HERE. In "Jesus Calling" Sarah Young puts it into perspective on how God wants us to face this day....

"Instead of trying to fit this day into a preconceived mold, relax and be on the lookout for what I am doing. This mindset will free you to enjoy Me and to find what I have planned for you to do. This is far better than trying to make things go according to your plan. Don't take yourself so seriuosly. Lighten up and laugh with Me. You have Me on your side, so what are you worried about? I can equip you to do absolutely anything today, as long as it is in My will. The more difficult your day, the more I yearn to help you. Anxiety wraps you in yourself, trapping your thoughts. When you look to Me and WHISPER My Name, you break free and recieve My help. Focus on Me, and you will find Peace in My Presence."
Phil 4:13. Prov 17:22

So simple a thing to do, whisper. That's all it takes and the God of the Universe comes running to listen. That is one if the things I LOVE about Jesus... He sees, hears and loves the simple things, the smallest things, the quietest things we do for Him and towards Him. When I was in AA and CA a long time ago, they used to have a saying, "Keep it simple stupid" and I'm not saying I'm stupid, not at all, but I am saying I GET the simpler things easier... I'm thinking I'm not the only one. And as long as I don't try to complicate things all up... Make everything into a BIG problem and just keep it simple... With a whisper of His Name, I can accomplish anything today. Yay Simplicity!! Yay Jesus!

When is Enough really Enough?

For some reason I thought about the word ENOUGH this morning. When will I have enough, when will I get enough, I've had enough, enough is enough! Being a Christian, Jesus, God, is supposed to be ENOUGH for me. So why do I worry about ENOUGH? So I decided to take the word and search scriptures to make an acronym and to engrave it in my heart and mind that HE IS ENOUGH for me! There were plenty more scriptures I found to make this little acronym, but maybe you can search your concordance to read the other scriptures that go with the words I've come up with and engrave it in your heart that HE IS ENOUGH for you too!

ETERNAL
NEVER
OWN
UNDERSTANDING
GRACE
HOPE

E... God gives us ETERNAL life (Titus 1:2)
N... He will NEVER leave us (Heb 13:5)
O... He calls us His OWN (John 1:11, 13:1)
U... His is UNDERSTANDING (Psl 147:5)
G... God's GRACE is sufficent for us (2Cor 12:9)
H... God gives us future HOPE (1Pet. 3:15)

So this is when enough IS enough. Now I know.

The Fabric of our lives

Today Jesus gave me a vision of a quilt. In each square was an event in our lives. Good and bad events. The fabric was woven with various threads. The very fabric of our quilts are woven with trials and trouble interlaced in the joyful times. Sometimes our quilts can fray and literally fall apart from thin and broken thread that has been used to hold the squares of our lives together. Thread that we've chosen in our lives from the "discount" basket  But you have to remember who designed our fabric in the first place. Our Creator, the Master Quiltmaker. Once you choose the thread from His basket to weave and sew together your squares, your quilt, although interwoven with trials and tribulations amidst the joy, your quilt will never fray or fall apart. God tells us a three stranded cord can never be broken. WAITING, TRUSTING and HOPING are intricately connected, like golden strands, to form a strong thread. TRUST is the central strand because it is the response God desires most from us. Waiting and Hoping strengthen the central strand, as we WAIT on the Lord it strengthens our trust. HOPE is future-directed, connecting us to our inheritance in heaven.   Make the cord, the thread you choose to sew your squares together, the one braided together with TRUST, HOPE and WAITING so that your life is a quilt that will never fray or fall apart. And a quilt that will remain here on Earth as a family "heirloom" after you leave, protecting and covering your family for generations to come.

p.s. The thread analogy was partially borrowed from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young March 12th devotion.  

Thanks Wally

Today I'm just flat TIRED! I've been busy every night this week and every day too. Barely got any nap time which for this body and mind is necessary. So because I'm so tired of course the first thing that happens this morning is instead of after making coffee, (1st priority!) then going outside to savor that coffee and listen to what God is saying to me today, my mind immediatly started to go to "that" place. The place where I just wanna go back to bed. The place where I'm doubting everything, if my new business venture, although an amazing opportunity to potentially provide me and tons of others financial freedom as well as freeing up time, I am doubting it will work for me. Because I'm tired, I sat there thinking of reasons why I shouldn't even continue this blog. You know where your mind goes when ur exhausted. Uuuhhhgg. Even the word didn't pop me out of it. I'm TIRED! so I went back to bed. Slept for another 40 min or so and was woken up by my text message alarm going off. It was my friend, brother in the Lord, and my Director my new business, Wally. I don't feel like texting back, besides I can't find my glasses to read what I'm texting, so I call him.
Wally, as usual, had been meditating on the Word a little, Psalm 13, and now is ready to get going on the day, and coaching me to do the same, and I'm TIRED! so I start giving him my "why's and reasons" that this isn going to work for me and he never plays into it, but just keeps moving forward our conversation telling me, coaxing me, ingraining it in my head... Co it's too simple and easy and needed, to "not" work! And most people in the U.S. will have this service eventually whether you are the one to provide them with or not. And Co, I know you CAN do this! He talked some more, gently moving me out of that crappy mind set, and then he prayed.... That was when it all broke for Me! Just him simply bringing our day to the Father. Asking the Lord to direct our steps, to give us the strength to endure, to put people in our path that we can bless and do it ALL for the furthering of GODS KINGDOM. And thanking Him for All of His provision this day to do what needs to be done, in Jesus name. And we were done.

After setting a time to meet with Wally, I freshened up my cup o jo and came outside and opened up my blog page to write. Now I know I don't have Jesus Calling on here today, it's just me. Simple, boring, unedited, me. But I know I'm not the only one who wakes up discouraged or tired and ready to write off the day before it even begins. I'm just guessing that I'm not the only one who has been discouraged and doubtful. And I also know that I'm not the only one who knows how a little encouragment from a friend can do so much for you. And how even the smallest, simplest prayer is heard and answered. And it's my desire here to, if I can, be your coach, your encourager today, like Wally was for me today. Then I read psalm 13. It says:
How long o Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and hear me O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed against him"; Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved. But I have
trusted in Your Mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt Bountifully with me.

Ok so I started out whining, feeling conquered, wondering how long would this last, and then once I turned my eyes back to Jesus, trusting Him again today, that is when my attitude shifted. Because of the evidence, the knowledge I have that He is the only One who has given to me above and beyond anything I could ever imagine for myself in the past, and the Only One who will continue to fullfil the desires
of my heart today and in all my tomorrows.
With Christ, you can do ANYTHING!