What was meant for evil...

TRUST TRUST TRUST. That is what I keep hearing from God. Jesus Calling says this today: if you learn to TRUST Me, totally, nothing can seperate you from Me. Everything you endure can be used to train you to TRUST Me. This is how you foil the works of evil, growing in grace through the very adversity of what was meant to harm you.  Do not fear what this day, or any day, may bring your way. Concentrate on TRUSTING Me and on doing what needs to be done. Relax in My Sovereignty, remembering that I go before you, into each day. Fear no evil, for I can bring out the good of every situation you will ever encounter.
Gen 50:20 Psl 23:4
This TRUTH I have experienced... God has used ALL my "bad" actions, my failures, my heartaches, the things I've done to myself, and that have been done to me, for good. Sometimes it took years to come to that "good" but it always comes when I press into Him. When I trust in Jesus... It comes. Not really ready to divulge some of my "bads" here yet... But I think you who know me can see the "good" work God is doing in me now, now that I have turned back to Him. And that is my point here I'm trying to make about the absolute LOVE God has for us and the absolute forgivness we recieve thru His Son. I've done things that are absolutely HORRIBLE in Gods eyes, but did He turn me
away when I turned back to Him... NO! But it is Nothing I did to recieve this forgiveness... It is ALL about what Jesus did for us. My part is to repent, ask for forgivness, and then TRUST in Him. There is a line in a song sung by Darlene Szech (sp?) that I love and speaks so simply yet so incredibly DEEP about Gods character and how it has nothing to do with my "works" it says " Theres nothing you can do to make Him love you more... Nothing you can do that makes Him close the door." BUT we are told time and again to TRUST Him. So I do. I trust Him for EVERYTHING! I trust Him to turn every evil thing I've done and every evil thing that's been done to me, in my life to GOOD. And as I learn to trust Him more and more, I will be able to use those things to speak His Life into others. That is my desire... To use my testimony, my story, to speak about His Grace, Mercy and Love to other women that are hurting. To tell them that HE is the ONLY ONE that can use what the enemy meant for evil and turn it into good. For HIS GLORY. To Him be all HONOR and GLORY and PRAISE.

Got a backed up "sewer" in your heart?

Last night I was working, along with a few other women, on the decorations for our Womens Conference coming up. As we were chatting I found out some had been at New Hope Christian Fellowship, (formerly Sonrise Christian Fellowship), for just a year or so and some had been there way back in the "Chucky Cheese" days. We started talking about those past days and before I knew it LOTS of "stuff" starting coming up for me again... They were curious as to what happened on the "inside" of some situations there at our church, or that occurred in my life after Michael, (my ex) stepped down from being the worship pastor... They were curious about how I got through the divorce... They wanted to know how my daughter, Jessica, was doing these days, which led to questions about Chris, my son in law, and how she dealt with his being KIA in action in 2004. And how the grandkids were doing now... So....
I talked and talked, and then talked some more... Gosh! Sometimes you don't realize all the crap you've gone through till you lay it all out for someone to look at! And talking about my life experiences sure brought up a LOT of memories and feelings last night!!! A couple of times we wept, lots of times we laughed, but most of the time we spent in awe of God's absolute power to get us through ANYTHING and His amazing love and patience with us as He waits for us to turn and FIX our eyes and hearts on Him again when the tragedies and "clutteredness" of life happens.
This morning when I woke up I felt drained... Or actually I felt "plugged" up... Like bringing up all those memories, reliving them again, kind of piled up on each other in my heart and the pipes in there, well they got all "backed up" with the "sewage" of the past. Only the bad parts of what we talked about remained in my heart and mind this morning, like a big clogged pipe, and I was loaded down with all that S--T! I was feeling all "fibromyalgia-y", hurting all over and sad and a little lonely and for the first time in a loooonnnnggg time, missing being married to Michael. Now where do I go with that!?!!? I've found there is ONLY ONE PLACE I can go... God's Throne Room!

Oh God, Maker of the Heavens and the Earth... Help me to keep you in my heart as my only LOVER, the only One I truly desire. Relieve me of the thoughts that tend to block up my heart and my mind from hearing and listening to Your thoughts and plans for me and feeling Your heart beat. Make the painful memories of my past become useful tools and testimonies in my present. Turn ALL of what the enemy meant for evil into a glorious testimony so that I may show, and help, others overcome. Let me be a conduit, an open pipeline to You Lord, bringing others into the Glory that is found in only You, My King. Amen