Today is my jessica's 29th birthday. 29!! You know that ol' saying, "seems like only yesterday..." well, it doesn't. It feels like a lifetime ago that I gave birth to my daughter... Sometimes it seems like two lifetimes! Like a "different" life. And it was, a totally different life I lived back then. When I look back on some of the memories it makes me laugh out loud... Some make me cry... And some make me just sit in awesome wonder. When I think about all the amazing works of God's Hands... Giving birth, having a totally seperate individual human being come out of your body, is the MOST AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, WONDERFUL and sometimes painful, act that God created us to do. And then to entrust us to care for this little person, to teach them, train them, feed them, keep them safe and be responsible for their physical and emotional well-being for many years to come... That is one of the toughest things to do in this life, and one I'm sometimes not sure I did
so well... I mean I know I helped raise a daughter who is strong, confidant most of the time, definitly loving, most of the time, funny, smart, and I could go on and on.. But there are many times I know I screwed up. Times when I made her feel bad, times when I didn't put her first, so many times when I said the wrong thing, critisized her, yelled at her because I was mad at "him". Times I was so not the right "role-model" for her. Regretfully, you can't take any of those times back... I can only move forward. Sometimes I wonder why God entrusted us to raise kids when we are still "growing up" ourselves? When we arent even sure of ourselves, sometimes, and where we are going in life, and who we are in Christ at all. Now that she is an adult, with kids of her own, it is so hard to "right" any of the "wrongs" I did, I can only ask for forgivness I guess. And try to be there for her as she raises her own little individuals. And pray, I can do that. All in
all, so far, looking back, I feel in my heart that the good times, the times I was, and am, a good mom, far outweigh the bad. And seeing her raise her own kids, brings such joy to my heart. I pray God continues to teach me though and that I listen.
Lord help me to be a better mother, a better listener, a good encourager, the best example, I can be, always following after Your heart Jesus, to the best of my ability, showing the Love of Christ to my daughter and my family.
Happy Birthday Jessica! I hope you can forgive me for the times i have failed as a Mother, and i also hope and pray you will hold in your memories all the times when i didnt fail, more than the other times. I love you forever and always. Mom
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Better is one day in His Court, than a thousand elsewhere. This is what I am re-learning today, now. That even one minute in His Presense, one moment where I lay with my ear on His chest, one Word from Him that may penetrate my heart today, is better than anything this world can offer. ANYTHING. Because for that moment I know I am completely loved. And with that Perfect Love, I can move onto my day with confidence. Not perfect, but perfected by His Grace and Power.
Followers
Blog Archive
About Me An imperfect woman made perfect thru Jesus
- Collette Brady
- United States
- Just an imperfect woman, perfected by His Love. Hanging on daily, just like you. Full of lots of questions, but willing to hear His answers for me. And I love the fact that God has a sense of humor, cause I love to laugh. And I believe that we overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of OUR testimonies. So this will be my testimony spot. My hope is for us to encourage other through our weaknesses. And to glean some little piece of Gods Word to apply to our daily walk.
Posts
I hadn't been reading your blog, for a while, Co...so am just now seeing this one, posted a little over a week ago. Just HAD to comment on it, though, because it mirrors the way I USED TO THINK about the way I raised you, and Cc and Curtis. I thought of the good things I had done when you were all small....being "Mom Cleaver" except she NEVER spanked Beaver, or yelled at him...Then I thought of the bad influence I had been to you, as well. The things I did that had to be ok for you to do, as well...in your thinking. I would beat myself up, because I thought you would not have done those things if I had not done them, either....OH YEAH! Then I remembered the times I had confessed this to you, and to Cc. And, both of you told me...many times...that I had been the "BEST" Mom, ever! And, that you didn't remember those things the way I did. Until, finally, the Lord, Himself, convicted me...by reminding me that HE had forgiven me of those sins, and that they are covered by the blood of Jesus, AND that ALL THAT REMAINS is the LOVE THAT I GAVE YOU, the LOVE that was in our home. And, that, since He HAD forgiven me, then who was I to NOT FORGIVE MYSELF? That I was, actually, putting myself above Him, when I did NOT forgive myself. So, I had to say it, out loud, that I forgive myself, and ask Him to forgive me for my unforgiveness. Now that I have said that, the only thing remaining is for YOU to forgive YOURSELF for all those recriminations in your mind about what a BAD Mommy you were/are! You are a human Mommy, not perfect, but working out your Salvation. And, yes, He is VERY patient with us, much more so than we are with ourselves. Thank GOD for THAT!! ;O}
ReplyDelete