New year, new mercies, new Glory

Today is New Year's Eve and I'm promising to make 2014 my "comeback" year! Coming back to Him, coming back to His ways, coming back to interceding on behalf of my family and friends. To take my rightful place as a daughter of the most high King, to take on the mantle of my mom in being a prayer warrior for our family. To take back ALL the enemy has tried to steal from out families. To claim ALL The Lord has promised to those that love Him. It's been right here all the time, He never removed it from me, He never took that power from me, I chose to put it down, succumbing to hopelessness, to fear... But NO MORE! Now I'm choosing to take my rightful place. Romans 8:12-17 says "We are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh, for if you live according to the flesh, you will die. But if you live a according to the Spirit, you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For as many are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons, (daughters), of God. For you did not receive the Spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out "Abba Father". The Spirit Himself bears witness that we are children of God, and if we are His children, then heirs of God, joint-heirs with Jesus, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together."
In this new year, may we all take on the mantle, the Spirit of God, that is ours, as joint heirs, through the blood that was shed on the cross by our Lord. It is by His power and grace that we do this, not of our own strength. I can only do this, be a strong warrior for my family, fight the enemy that had come to steal and destroy my family, through Jesus. New year, new commitment, new mercies and renewed strength with And through Him. I'm ready! Happy New Year!!!

Things are Looking Up

In the past few days God has been speaking to me a lot, but with a common thread of just two words, "Look Up". For me, these two words have had much meaning to me lately. Coming out of a long bout of depression and a difficult living situation, things are looking up for me. It's been a difficult year and there were definately times when I felt like God had forgotten about me. I had definitely forgotten about myself, about who I AM in Christ. Once again I was in a pit of despair, once again I had allowed myself to go there, I was not looking up or looking to Him, at all. It was all about me... My troubles, my circumstances, my pain, me me me! I found myself saying to God, "Hey, what about ME? Did you forget about me? Why aren't you fixing things for me? Don't you see how much I am hurting?" I wasn't angry at Him, but I did doubt that I was worthy of His blessings, that somehow I had not prayed enough, not done enough for the kingdom, let Him down so much, that He was maybe just done with me. Because once again, I was at this bad place in my head, in my heart, and, really Co? How many times are you going to do this to yourself? How many times are you going to allow doubt, condemnation, rejection, fear and shame to take control of your mind? How many times will Jesus forgive me for "going there" again? I'm supposedly a "seasoned" Christian. I've seen His blessings poured out many times. I've come through many situations, many times over, and He always gets me through it, yet, here I am again, doubting, crying, giving up.  You'd think we'd get it by now, right? Thankfully God knew we'd do this, go "there" over and over, so we would never be holy enough, righteous enough, to be in his presence, so He sent His Son. He knew that when we focused on ourselves, our situation, our troubles, the world around us, only looking down, taking our eyes off of Him, would result in pain and torture for us. Which is why he tells us over and over to KEEP LOOKING UP... Keep our eyes on HIM. "Seek FIRST the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you."  Look up to your heavenly reward, eternity with Him. Keep your eyes on "the prize", which IS Jesus. It's only when I get out of myself, and look up to Him, that He pulls me up, out of the miry clay. It's only when I look up, that my ashes are turned to beauty, my sorrow to joy. And it's only when I stop looking up, that I get down, so deep that it looks hopeless. But it NEVER is! He NEVER forsakes me an you. Nothing NOTHING can take us out of His HANDS. Look up my friends, for it is only there, in His Presense we can survive.

Restoring

 Today I've decided to try and restore what has been taken away from me, what I have allowed to be taken, what I have "let" be taken from me... My joy. No matter how many times I go thru it, I always seem to allow the enemy to trigger my weakness over and over. But that is what Satan is all about, finding our weaknesses and exploiting them, using them, over and over again, to destroy us. and instead of getting angry at Satan, I get angry at God, well not angry, but I give up on Him, for not making things happen the way I want them to happen, and I fall away. How selfish, what a selfish woman am I! He is not about our comfort. He is about our character! And the things I wanted Him to make happen, were NOT about my character at all, at  least not the character God wants me to have, a woman after His heart.
So here I am again, humbling myself before the Throne, prostrate before His cross... Asking for forgiveness, asking for His cleansing, asking for His Will to be done, in me and on earth. Lord, restore my soul...restore my heart... restore my mind...restore my life... Thank you Jesus.
Psalm 119:33-40 Teach me oh Lord, the way if your statutes, and I shall keep it to the end. Give me understanding and I shall keep your law. Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart. Make me walk in the path of your commandments for I delight in it. Incline my heart to your testimonies and NOT to covetousness. Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way. Establish Your word to your servant, who is devoted to fearing You. Turn away my reproach, which I dread, for Your judgements are good. Behold I long for Your precepts; revive me in Your righteousness.

Short n Sweet

NOTE TO SELF- KEEP YOUR EYES FIXED ON HIM. All else will follow in His time.

Co

Climbing out

"There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more. Nothing that I do will make Him close the door." I cling to these words sung in one of my favorite songs. No matter how much I whine and complain.. No matter how often I crawl into my "hole", curling up in the fetal position, blankets over my head, in the darkness... Jesus will ALWAYS be there with me. But just as He is always there, know that there is also an enemy here on this earth that is also searching and seeking to destroy you. Oh you can keep him at bay, you can fill your thoughts with the Word, and you should. But just as you get "comfortable", let your guard down even for a moment, he WILL take that opportunity to try to pull you down again. He remembers all your weaknesses and where you have stumbled in the past and Satan will use that against you. What never ceases to amaze me, confuse me, is how I fall for it over and over again. But I'm only human, right? And many times the enemy comes "dressed in sheeps clothing". He comes "masked" as something we think will make us happy. And I don't give him all the credit...Much of it is my own fault, cause I've been here before and I should know better. But as I try to draw closer to the Lord, I am realizing that sometimes God allows these dark times to continue because it isn't until we are totally broken and bruised that we finally surrender and that is when He can really show His splendor and grace. I don't like that part... But it's a true fact about us, we want run the show... Never wanting to surrender our will, we're so stupidly stubborn. The good news is, no, the GREAT news is, GOD IS ALWAYS right there waiting for us to accept His tender, merciful, life-giving love, His plan for us. So He waits patiently for us to "take the blankets off", to stand up and start climbing out of the pit. Today, I feel a little better than yesterday, a little more hope, a lot more faith, and I feel LOVED by HIM... which is what I crave most...Tomorrow Jesus will be there again, holding His hand out for me to take hold of, as I continue to climb.
Co

He's Faithful

Jesus is so tenderhearted and patient with me. I'm struck this morning with His never ending, everlasting love. No matter where I'm at in my head, my heart, He ALWAYS meets me there. Never pushing, never "beating" me up about my failings. Just quietly, gently, lovingly waiting. Waiting for me to start up the mountain with Him again. He holds me, tenderly rocking me, whispering His love song to me, like soft sweet mist falling on my face, slowly refreshing my thirst. He lifts me up and carries me when I can't walk another step. A constant in my life, when everything else around me is chaotic and changing, it's His love I can always rely on. He is Faithful, even when I'm not, even though i don't deserve it. Thank you Father, thank you so much. Today I'm standing up and putting one foot in front of the other. Tomorrow? well maybe I'll be back down on the ground, crawling... But its okay... You'll be right there beside me, FAITHFUL.

Co

Waiting

I haven't blogged in days. Not in a good place with God right now. Not that I love Him any less, but just that I'm wondering why He is making me wait.... Why do I have to wait so long to feel a man love me again? Why do I have to wait to be happily in love? Why do I make such a big deal of it in my head anyway? Why? Why? Why do I yearn for this so much? To where it consumes me... I know in my head that a man doesn't define me. I believe in my head that God has that perfect man somewhere for me. I know He has my best interests at heart... But then my heart says "why not now, God?" I've prayed, I've grown closer to Him, I've been doing all I should be doing, I think. So where is he? Where is my lover? Then there has been the thoughts and feelings about the man in my past... (not my ex). Still those feelings that he is, was, the one for me. And then those thoughts consume me too.... Those thoughts i know i should not have... Like Paul said, "I wrestle with myself" why do I do this over and over? I am a soul in anguish.... Am I a woman who is being rebellious refusing to give up my feelings for him? Am I a such a wretch for wanting him still? Maybe I am. But he made me happy... And though I know better, sometimes it feels like God has just left me here to my own devices, waiting. Not a good place. So be gentle on me my friends as you reply. I am just a woman bearing her tormented heart. Never claimed to be perfectly in His will... But always said i would be transparent and honest on here. So here I am.... Waiting.

Co