My Fathers Eyes

Yesterday I spent the day in a hospital room with my dad and my step mom. He is struggling to breeth. And I went up there to just show him I love him, to show her I love her too. And it hasn't happened in a long time for me, but I left there feeling like a dissapointing daughter. Like I was spanked and not the kind of spanking that is laced with love. Cause once again my step mother chose yesterday to tell me how us kids have made them feel like we don't care abou them. She measures love by the number of calls they get from you. Or how often you trek up there to see them. Even though once ur up there u are bound to do something to piss them off. So me, not being in the mood this time, I spoke back to her showing her "our" side and how sometimes it feels like we can't win either way. But about every other sentence I would tell her I love them. Trying to see her side and look at her pain thru the eyes of Jesus. Because no matter what, we ARE FAMILY. And we love each other, as unconditionally as we can. We don't keep a list of our "perceived" or real hurts that our family members have caused and hold onto them for years. They only fester and grow and penetrate our hearts till we are unable to feel love anymore from anyone. Even God. And that is why Jesus tells us to FORGIVE. First of all He tells us that because we have been forgiven. And then He tells us to do this because He knows what bitterness and anger do to our hearts. They are eaten away at, walls are built around them, till they become unpenatrable and just shrivel up and die. Is this bitterness, this hurt, the dissapointments and unforgiveness, is this why my dad is in the hospiital with congestive heart failure? I have no doubt it has contributed to his failing heart.
My prayer for today is that I continue to have a forgiving heart. And that I learn each day more and more how to love my family with the Love that has been given to me even though I disappointed my Father in heaven. Even though I didn't call upon Him enough. And even though I've unintenionally, or intentionally, hurt Him. Unconditional, Loving eyes Jesus, is how I want to see my family, my friends, and others around me. With my Fathers eyes.